I just learned that the wife of a friend and associate, a vibrant and beautiful woman of just 42, died suddenly a few days ago. What makes this already tragic loss hurt even deeper is that my friend had worked diligently for many years to achieve a level of success that would afford him more time with his partner and friend. And through all of that she had been a champion, running the race with him both figuratively and literally (as they had run several Boston Marathons together). Last May the ship came in and my friend, then the president of a thriving firm was rewarded for his efforts as his company was bought. When we talked then he said that though he was staying on in a consulting role for a while, his delight was that he could spend some quality family time.
Part of that ended Thursday. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of his pain and emptiness. I can only take notes and learn. When my son was first born I used to evaluate everything I did other than work in terms of trading time with Jesse. The "Jesse factor" as it became known would literally cause me to leave a meeting if it seemed to be going nowhere fast. "Am I willing to trade two hours of Jesse's life for this?" I stopped doing that after a while; I thought I had things pretty well in control.
But this event has just kicked me in the can. I didn't even know her, but I knew how much he loved her and how he smiled when spoke of her and the kids. She had to have been special. As Sarah and Jesse are to me. It seems like a platitude to talk of making every moment count, or to be reminded of what Thoreau called the "arrogance of tomorrow." But damn it all, it's the truth and we do need to burn it in - I need to burn it into my flesh or write it with Delores Umbridge's quill until it bleeds through where I can never forget it.
I am leaving on a class trip for nearly two weeks next Monday. I am all signed in, paid and packed. I damned well better make it worth it. There are no "trade-back's" in the game of life.
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2 comments:
Although it means less time with your family, the experience of cross-cultural mission and connection is one that I think is worth it; it's spending time with the human family, affirfming the connection that exists between all of us. Ultimately, I think it can't help but make you a better husband and dad and whatever else because of that expereince.
Thanks
I am reading Jerry Gill's "Borderland Theology" which protrays God's entry into our world as a border crossing, Ruth's life as a bordercrossing (she was after a Moabite and totally heathen and unclean yet the story or her acceptance into Jewish life and marriage to a high status Jew is a model of acceptance of third world refugees. Like I have always contended, his portrayal of Joseph and Mayree as dislocated border crossers, as a shameful (gasp, out of wedlock) pregnant (slut!) couple serves as a reminder that we look down at doesn't fit our paradigm. He points out time and again (Jacob, Amos, Micah, Jesus (multiple times)) how the message of both the Hebrew bible and the New Testament is one of Border Crossings, of busting the norms (about women, untouchables, cltures, races, foods you-name-it) especailly that Jesus guy. Man he didn't respect any of those rules or borders!
I like him!
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