A little more than 20 years ago I was involved in a rather nasty set of events that resulted in my divorce. My ex, a wonderful woman, professional and mother eventually ended up building a life and relationship with another man. John was a farmer but so much more. Running an organic farm just a mile down the road from my refuge at the time, Karme Choling, I am certain John, too, was a frequenter of their halls in those days. He had a depth and a quiet spirit that I admired. He epitomized the salt of the earth and gave a stability and grace to the growing-up days of my two girls, who remained behind with their mom when I left.
I never really got to know him much because I only saw him at dance recitals, weddings and graduations. But to me his testimony and his legacy are evidenced in the exquisite women that my girls have grown into. Both have chosen great men, but especially my younger (three at the time of the divorce), who was most influenced by John, chose a strong, silent and peaceful man like him. I am certain that his fathering was a source of much of her understanding and choosing a mate. But John also loved and cared for their mom, most likely in ways I could not and did not. He was calm, and accepting, and seemed (from my vantage point) to never expect more of her than who she was. And when his body began to fail him, she hung in and cared for him in a way that he deserved.
John died this morning, leaving behind a world a little less stable for lacking the pillar that he was. Thank you, John. I wish I could have told you how very great I thought you were.
Friday, December 26, 2008
What's It All About, Alfie?
Reflections on Job and the Mystery of Suffering, by Richard Rohr
Though I barely remember the 60’s version of the Michael Cain film and did not bother with Jude Law’s newer/fresher Alfie, the “what’s-it-all-about” question has all the staying power of an old cigarette jingle, without any of the narcotic effects. It is an ancient and hauntingly human question that has no real answer. All of our “why’s” seeking some rational explanation to life, the universe and everything (short of Douglass Adam’s whimsical 42), inevitably fail to assuage the empty itch at the source of the questions. Why am I here? What is the purpose to my life? Why do bad things happen to seemingly good people?
Take, for example, Job – the ultimate Alfie questioner. Faced with what must have been years of insufferable pain and despair, Job keeps asking god, “Why?” “What is this all about?” “Did I do something to deserve this?” Job had lived a good and devout life and he felt that he had done nothing to deserve the pain, loss and despair that he now suffered. To make matters worse he is taunted by three of his (self-professed) friends, Moe, Larry and Curley, who try to convince him of his guilt and harangue him with mainline religious platitudes. No one from the mainstream will ever understand the journey of the dark night. It refuses to fit into logic and comfort.
But Job has to go on a trip of monumental spiritual proportions to get to the other side of his suffering. Through the process, Job seems to map out the emotional course that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described many thousands or years later – shock, anger, denial, bartering, and finally acceptance. And the cosmic lesson that Job (and all of us) must learn (though I pray not so harshly) is that there is no rationale to justify suffering as long as we are looking for it from a personal/human, ego-justification level. If we read Job thoroughly, we find that he pleads his case before god like a lawyer in court trying to make sense out of it from his (Job’s) ego-perspective. It is not until Job gives up trying to make it make sense and surrenders to god, that god actually concedes to talking to Job.
It seems that there are three deeply profound lessons that we must learn in the Job experience. First and foremost, as long as we are looking for understanding of events from our perspective – as if suffering, or joy (do we ever inspect that in the same way?) must have some deeper meaning – we are bound to come up empty handed. There is no meaning that exists outside of our own personal meaning making. Things and events have no intrinsic meaning. Nothing means anything until we make up a meaning. So Job’s attempt to find some cosmic meaning is fruitless because there is none to be found - and god knows this so he doesn’t even play the game. Furthermore, despite lacking meaning, Job wants to be justified – found innocent of any wrongdoing (the meaning he has ascribed to the source of suffering) – so that his ego can feel okay and virtuous. Again god refuses to even play the game of ego importance. God maintains a stonewall approach to these machinations of Job. But the third (really big) lesson is that not only is god in charge of the whole game, god and divine understanding is so beyond our human comprehension that to try and fix a human rationale to it or to apply some kind of right and wrong checks and balances to it is not only impossible it is downright illogical.
With a final sigh, Job gives up his attempts and instantly, god steps in and speaks – not in answer but in beautiful, powerful metaphor. Even then, when god speaks, he does not even address the questions of rationalization. In a sense, god says, “I am in charge and always have been. Just trust that and try not to figure it out!” It is the ultimate spiritual message – the message of the experience of Job, the teaching of the Nazarene, and of the Buddha and of every great spiritual sage throughout time. Live in the question, surrender to god’s way, and live in relation to god, to others and to the world around you. Let go of your ego’s need for self-important meanings. It is a humbling and simultaneously filling message. Alfie would have been gravely disappointed. Dionne Warwick sang in the theme song, “What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it only for the moment we live?”
Well, yup, that’s about it!
Though I barely remember the 60’s version of the Michael Cain film and did not bother with Jude Law’s newer/fresher Alfie, the “what’s-it-all-about” question has all the staying power of an old cigarette jingle, without any of the narcotic effects. It is an ancient and hauntingly human question that has no real answer. All of our “why’s” seeking some rational explanation to life, the universe and everything (short of Douglass Adam’s whimsical 42), inevitably fail to assuage the empty itch at the source of the questions. Why am I here? What is the purpose to my life? Why do bad things happen to seemingly good people?
Take, for example, Job – the ultimate Alfie questioner. Faced with what must have been years of insufferable pain and despair, Job keeps asking god, “Why?” “What is this all about?” “Did I do something to deserve this?” Job had lived a good and devout life and he felt that he had done nothing to deserve the pain, loss and despair that he now suffered. To make matters worse he is taunted by three of his (self-professed) friends, Moe, Larry and Curley, who try to convince him of his guilt and harangue him with mainline religious platitudes. No one from the mainstream will ever understand the journey of the dark night. It refuses to fit into logic and comfort.
But Job has to go on a trip of monumental spiritual proportions to get to the other side of his suffering. Through the process, Job seems to map out the emotional course that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described many thousands or years later – shock, anger, denial, bartering, and finally acceptance. And the cosmic lesson that Job (and all of us) must learn (though I pray not so harshly) is that there is no rationale to justify suffering as long as we are looking for it from a personal/human, ego-justification level. If we read Job thoroughly, we find that he pleads his case before god like a lawyer in court trying to make sense out of it from his (Job’s) ego-perspective. It is not until Job gives up trying to make it make sense and surrenders to god, that god actually concedes to talking to Job.
It seems that there are three deeply profound lessons that we must learn in the Job experience. First and foremost, as long as we are looking for understanding of events from our perspective – as if suffering, or joy (do we ever inspect that in the same way?) must have some deeper meaning – we are bound to come up empty handed. There is no meaning that exists outside of our own personal meaning making. Things and events have no intrinsic meaning. Nothing means anything until we make up a meaning. So Job’s attempt to find some cosmic meaning is fruitless because there is none to be found - and god knows this so he doesn’t even play the game. Furthermore, despite lacking meaning, Job wants to be justified – found innocent of any wrongdoing (the meaning he has ascribed to the source of suffering) – so that his ego can feel okay and virtuous. Again god refuses to even play the game of ego importance. God maintains a stonewall approach to these machinations of Job. But the third (really big) lesson is that not only is god in charge of the whole game, god and divine understanding is so beyond our human comprehension that to try and fix a human rationale to it or to apply some kind of right and wrong checks and balances to it is not only impossible it is downright illogical.
With a final sigh, Job gives up his attempts and instantly, god steps in and speaks – not in answer but in beautiful, powerful metaphor. Even then, when god speaks, he does not even address the questions of rationalization. In a sense, god says, “I am in charge and always have been. Just trust that and try not to figure it out!” It is the ultimate spiritual message – the message of the experience of Job, the teaching of the Nazarene, and of the Buddha and of every great spiritual sage throughout time. Live in the question, surrender to god’s way, and live in relation to god, to others and to the world around you. Let go of your ego’s need for self-important meanings. It is a humbling and simultaneously filling message. Alfie would have been gravely disappointed. Dionne Warwick sang in the theme song, “What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it only for the moment we live?”
Well, yup, that’s about it!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Of Joy and Suffering
I am preparing to run a series of workshops for the unemployed and soon-to-be-unemployed in our church and the first thing I think of is the emotional state that I hear everyone is in. But a thought came to me in this preparation that is a distinction I have not made before. Think of this: the nature of fear, grief and depression – of most “negative” emotions is aloneness. That is, we almost always experience those emotions uniquely and by ourselves. In fact, we most often feel that no one feels the same as we do, no one fears this or that thing the way we do at that moment. Who is comforted in the least by someone coming to you in your grief and saying, “I know how you feel.” Like hell you do! This is my grief, my fear, my depression and no one knows how it feels but me!
Now bear with me for a moment while we go to the other side. What about joy and passion and excitement? Who among you can contain those feelings; who, upon first feeling them, does not want to immediately jump up and find a friend or even a stranger with whom those feelings can be shared? Joy, passion, elation, excitement, and all of these “positive” emotions are made even better by sharing. They are public emotions where the downers are private.
But what if we have it backwards? What if we do not feel those emotions first and then have the public or private reaction? What if being alone is the source of fear, being abandoned is the source of grief, and being isolated is the source of our deepest depression? Contrarily, what if it incoming together that we first feel elation, if passion is the feeling only two or more can experience, and joy is only joyful when it is shared? What if?
I think our culture is suffering from a disease of epidemic proportions – the disease of individuation or individualism. We suffer from terminal uniqueness. We are so convinced by the harangue of advertisements and marketing that insist that we can “have it our way” – from form-fit clothes to designer drugs. But we humans were meant to be social creatures – to come together, not to move apart. In indigenous cultures where the norm is belonging, people are invariably described as happy and the incidence of depression is almost nil. Even their grieving is done collectively – but then it is over.
So this job search group will not be an individual experience. We will be in it together, to draw from the positive energy of being with our own kind, to share leads and laugh through mistakes and learn collectively. And in doing so, perhaps we can fuel the passion, and increase the joy, and revel in the success that can only come from working “with” instead of “against.”
Now bear with me for a moment while we go to the other side. What about joy and passion and excitement? Who among you can contain those feelings; who, upon first feeling them, does not want to immediately jump up and find a friend or even a stranger with whom those feelings can be shared? Joy, passion, elation, excitement, and all of these “positive” emotions are made even better by sharing. They are public emotions where the downers are private.
But what if we have it backwards? What if we do not feel those emotions first and then have the public or private reaction? What if being alone is the source of fear, being abandoned is the source of grief, and being isolated is the source of our deepest depression? Contrarily, what if it incoming together that we first feel elation, if passion is the feeling only two or more can experience, and joy is only joyful when it is shared? What if?
I think our culture is suffering from a disease of epidemic proportions – the disease of individuation or individualism. We suffer from terminal uniqueness. We are so convinced by the harangue of advertisements and marketing that insist that we can “have it our way” – from form-fit clothes to designer drugs. But we humans were meant to be social creatures – to come together, not to move apart. In indigenous cultures where the norm is belonging, people are invariably described as happy and the incidence of depression is almost nil. Even their grieving is done collectively – but then it is over.
So this job search group will not be an individual experience. We will be in it together, to draw from the positive energy of being with our own kind, to share leads and laugh through mistakes and learn collectively. And in doing so, perhaps we can fuel the passion, and increase the joy, and revel in the success that can only come from working “with” instead of “against.”
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Miracles?
This time each year, my wife and I run a holiday gifting charity that serves a bunch of kids in shelters and temporary living settings around eastern Mass an southern NH. It involves getting the wishes of these kids and hooking them up with about 250 volunteers who then purchase the gifts and get them to a central location so that we can truck them all out to the charities and shelters. In the process of doing that over the past seven years it never fails to provide the opportunity to observe – directly – a miracle.
Last year just as we were bursting at the seams in handling twice as many kids as we ever had, we got a call from a shelter that had heard of our project (Operation ELF) and wondered if we could help them – they had about 70 – 80 kids who were getting little or nothing for Christmas. We couldn’t say no but we said that we often have a few extras that were bought “just in case” so she would be welcome to come at the end of the event and take what was left over. The very next day we got a call from a person who said that she normally took a bunch of presents to an Air Force base in upstate New York but that she was ill and couldn’t make the trip this year – could we use the presents? We said yes, that would be most helpful. She showed up that Sunday with 150 presents and toys for our Elf kids. When the last shelter came for the “leftovers,” we filled two more cars and made a celebration happen where none was even hoped for.
Another one just happened again this year, though the numbers are not officially in yet. However, I begin to wonder is it a miracle? A miracle is what happens when you don’t expect anything. But the nature of god and universe is abundance. It is our scarcity that is always surprised. So why should we be surprised when this happens yet again. Rest assured that we will not slip the other way into arrogance and expect that it should happen. But why should we be surprised by the miracle when it is the natural response of our caring and providing god? Is it a surprise to a child when, having skinned his knee, he gets a hug, kiss and a band aid from a compassionate mother? No – it is just how it happens. Maybe it is a miracle. But the miracle already happened (we are loved despite ourselves), and all this other stuff is just the state of living we get because of it.
Last year just as we were bursting at the seams in handling twice as many kids as we ever had, we got a call from a shelter that had heard of our project (Operation ELF) and wondered if we could help them – they had about 70 – 80 kids who were getting little or nothing for Christmas. We couldn’t say no but we said that we often have a few extras that were bought “just in case” so she would be welcome to come at the end of the event and take what was left over. The very next day we got a call from a person who said that she normally took a bunch of presents to an Air Force base in upstate New York but that she was ill and couldn’t make the trip this year – could we use the presents? We said yes, that would be most helpful. She showed up that Sunday with 150 presents and toys for our Elf kids. When the last shelter came for the “leftovers,” we filled two more cars and made a celebration happen where none was even hoped for.
Another one just happened again this year, though the numbers are not officially in yet. However, I begin to wonder is it a miracle? A miracle is what happens when you don’t expect anything. But the nature of god and universe is abundance. It is our scarcity that is always surprised. So why should we be surprised when this happens yet again. Rest assured that we will not slip the other way into arrogance and expect that it should happen. But why should we be surprised by the miracle when it is the natural response of our caring and providing god? Is it a surprise to a child when, having skinned his knee, he gets a hug, kiss and a band aid from a compassionate mother? No – it is just how it happens. Maybe it is a miracle. But the miracle already happened (we are loved despite ourselves), and all this other stuff is just the state of living we get because of it.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Fear Not!
Why is it that the standard greeting of angels, and for that matter, of Jesus post-crucifixion? As I see it there are two possible reasons. First of these could be that angels may not be the beautiful, white-robed, winged, runway models that the renaissance painters made them to be - that in fact they might be fearsome, fierce, and powerful creatures that no one this side of Jacob would ever want to wrestle with. That would fit with my understanding of god's humor (see blog entries like: Reverse Logic 8/4, God's Humor 7/12 and Transformation 3/21) - to send the message of hope and joy in a frightening package - just for cosmic giggles!
And what of Jesus? I have often considered that in keeping with this twisted god logic, Jesus may have been butt-ugly! I mean, god would not want people following him around just because he was some heart-throb hunk. Remember, this is the god who sent a stuttering, exiled, killer back to the scene of his crime to rescue the Israelites, and who came to visit not as a king but as a helpless infant born to a displaced, homeless, unwed couple in a stench-filled barn! Now when you combine that with the fact that Jesus might have been ugly and had just been killed in a most gruesome fashion, that may indeed have been a frightening sight.
Fear not indeed! I am not a monster!
But the other possibility - the one that is think is the more likely reason - is that god knows that we live in constant fear. Fear is the natural by-product of the ego which thinks that it can manage the universe (or at least my little corner of it) quite well all by itself, thank you very much. Yet confronted with a zillion pieces of evidence that it cannot do such a daunting task, the ego ducks and covers in abject fear. The truth is, alone, without god, life is frightening; pain and loss are frightening; and we recoil in fear.
But the message of the ghoulish archangel, of the blood splattered crucifixion victim, and of god in every instance is "fear not, for I am with you, even to the end of the earth!" "Fear not, I bring you glad tidings of great joy!" "Do not be afraid" (there are at least 100 passages where this phrase is used) Gotcha! You have been found out. Your fear is evident and yet the divine message keeps coming back, like some relentlessly caring mother, comforting her startled infant, "Shhh, it's alright, don't be afraid, I have you and you will be okay. Hush, shhhh"
The CHristmas message was "Behold!" But this Christmas I invite you to "be held" and comforted, and not afraid! Peace be with you all.
And what of Jesus? I have often considered that in keeping with this twisted god logic, Jesus may have been butt-ugly! I mean, god would not want people following him around just because he was some heart-throb hunk. Remember, this is the god who sent a stuttering, exiled, killer back to the scene of his crime to rescue the Israelites, and who came to visit not as a king but as a helpless infant born to a displaced, homeless, unwed couple in a stench-filled barn! Now when you combine that with the fact that Jesus might have been ugly and had just been killed in a most gruesome fashion, that may indeed have been a frightening sight.
Fear not indeed! I am not a monster!
But the other possibility - the one that is think is the more likely reason - is that god knows that we live in constant fear. Fear is the natural by-product of the ego which thinks that it can manage the universe (or at least my little corner of it) quite well all by itself, thank you very much. Yet confronted with a zillion pieces of evidence that it cannot do such a daunting task, the ego ducks and covers in abject fear. The truth is, alone, without god, life is frightening; pain and loss are frightening; and we recoil in fear.
But the message of the ghoulish archangel, of the blood splattered crucifixion victim, and of god in every instance is "fear not, for I am with you, even to the end of the earth!" "Fear not, I bring you glad tidings of great joy!" "Do not be afraid" (there are at least 100 passages where this phrase is used) Gotcha! You have been found out. Your fear is evident and yet the divine message keeps coming back, like some relentlessly caring mother, comforting her startled infant, "Shhh, it's alright, don't be afraid, I have you and you will be okay. Hush, shhhh"
The CHristmas message was "Behold!" But this Christmas I invite you to "be held" and comforted, and not afraid! Peace be with you all.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
On Gratitude
It does not take wizard level perception to notice that we just celebrated the high feast of gluttony and consumption. And by mocking it please know that I am not taking your inventory - but mine. We baked, we cooked, we uncorked wines and even smoked a very nice cigar outside in the waning afternoon sunlight - and yes we said "thanks" over a sumptuous meal with friends and family. It was wonderful and filling, and for it all I am grateful.
But I have been practicing a different level of spiritual awareness of late - one that looks to find faith when there is no reason to believe, and one that celebrates gratitude when there in nothing on the plate in front of me. And I must admit with chagrin that I find this discipline very difficult. I am privileged. I am gifted with abundance - affluence, really (on a world scale what would be called wealth). I am blessed with a life without pain or threat of daily violence. In short, I am not challenged.
How then can I claim to develop and advance my faith? How can I exercise true gratitude? Do I really want to pray for this all to be stripped away? (No freaking way!!) Do I really want to volunteer for the Job experience? (Hell no!) And yet, devoid of these litmus tests of faith and gratitude, I am but a clanging gong or a noisy cymbal.
I have been contemplating the idea of going on a fast - like a five day or seven day fast. But then even that occurs to me as a luxury that I enjoy. Like I can even "choose" to go on a fast, the hardest part of which is that I can choose to break it at any point. There are those who can choose neither - whether to fast (as it most often occurs with the regularity of a neighbors visit) or to end the fast (as if they even know when the next hunk of bread (forget about a meal) is going to come. So fasting just seems like some arrogant, elitist Uncle Tom-ism to me.
All I really want and pray for is to know my god more completely, to strip away all that stands between me and my maker and source. It is just a quest, my quest, and for all of the challenges in trying to fulfill that quest..
...I am most grateful.
Happy Gratitude Day
But I have been practicing a different level of spiritual awareness of late - one that looks to find faith when there is no reason to believe, and one that celebrates gratitude when there in nothing on the plate in front of me. And I must admit with chagrin that I find this discipline very difficult. I am privileged. I am gifted with abundance - affluence, really (on a world scale what would be called wealth). I am blessed with a life without pain or threat of daily violence. In short, I am not challenged.
How then can I claim to develop and advance my faith? How can I exercise true gratitude? Do I really want to pray for this all to be stripped away? (No freaking way!!) Do I really want to volunteer for the Job experience? (Hell no!) And yet, devoid of these litmus tests of faith and gratitude, I am but a clanging gong or a noisy cymbal.
I have been contemplating the idea of going on a fast - like a five day or seven day fast. But then even that occurs to me as a luxury that I enjoy. Like I can even "choose" to go on a fast, the hardest part of which is that I can choose to break it at any point. There are those who can choose neither - whether to fast (as it most often occurs with the regularity of a neighbors visit) or to end the fast (as if they even know when the next hunk of bread (forget about a meal) is going to come. So fasting just seems like some arrogant, elitist Uncle Tom-ism to me.
All I really want and pray for is to know my god more completely, to strip away all that stands between me and my maker and source. It is just a quest, my quest, and for all of the challenges in trying to fulfill that quest..
...I am most grateful.
Happy Gratitude Day
Friday, November 21, 2008
Eschatological or Scatological
Oh - I know I am going to hell for this one!
I heard in a lecture the other night (see Rock Concert, November 20) that the only way one could serve in a priest or prophet role - that is, to coach leaders in spiritual discernment, is to start with a clear eschatological frame of reference. In other words - to what end am I or are you coaching your client? Max makes his case that for example globalization is a god-inspired process moving toward the New Jerusalem. This is the coming kingdom where all live in harmony and the trees grow again and produce clean ripe fruit, and the lion and lamb play Scrabble without thoughts of blood or lusty feasts, and yada yada yada. But that anyway we must have that vision in order to know where we are taking our client.
Oh Scat!
Literally and figuratively! With all apologies to Dear John’s vision, I do not buy it. But not because it is silly or pure fantasy or, as some suggest, drug induced. I don't buy that we - any of us - can know what god has in mind nor do we have the capacity to understand it were we to have access to it. It is our ego-driven need to pretend that we can discern the "will of god" or the end of time and it has been a quest of human's kind since the beginning of thought - "Where is this all going to?" But that takes us down the wrong path. We have to make up a lot of scat to even get in the ballpark. And in my book that is wasted time.
Rather we need to let go of that ego-bound self importance and let god become manifest in and through us without our help or interference. What if we are to let god flow through us in to the spaces between us and the others? What would happen if we entered the discussion not presupposing but letting god manifest a future before us that none of us could ever imagine? Now that sounds like the way god works!
Look it is all well and good to have myths about creation and the end of time but Jesus and every prophet of every major religion has always entreated us to live now – the Kingdom is here now… if only we let it happen in god’s way and on god’s terms. Everything else is scatological.
I heard in a lecture the other night (see Rock Concert, November 20) that the only way one could serve in a priest or prophet role - that is, to coach leaders in spiritual discernment, is to start with a clear eschatological frame of reference. In other words - to what end am I or are you coaching your client? Max makes his case that for example globalization is a god-inspired process moving toward the New Jerusalem. This is the coming kingdom where all live in harmony and the trees grow again and produce clean ripe fruit, and the lion and lamb play Scrabble without thoughts of blood or lusty feasts, and yada yada yada. But that anyway we must have that vision in order to know where we are taking our client.
Oh Scat!
Literally and figuratively! With all apologies to Dear John’s vision, I do not buy it. But not because it is silly or pure fantasy or, as some suggest, drug induced. I don't buy that we - any of us - can know what god has in mind nor do we have the capacity to understand it were we to have access to it. It is our ego-driven need to pretend that we can discern the "will of god" or the end of time and it has been a quest of human's kind since the beginning of thought - "Where is this all going to?" But that takes us down the wrong path. We have to make up a lot of scat to even get in the ballpark. And in my book that is wasted time.
Rather we need to let go of that ego-bound self importance and let god become manifest in and through us without our help or interference. What if we are to let god flow through us in to the spaces between us and the others? What would happen if we entered the discussion not presupposing but letting god manifest a future before us that none of us could ever imagine? Now that sounds like the way god works!
Look it is all well and good to have myths about creation and the end of time but Jesus and every prophet of every major religion has always entreated us to live now – the Kingdom is here now… if only we let it happen in god’s way and on god’s terms. Everything else is scatological.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Rock Concert
Last night at school I experienced a edu-nerd's delight. The class was set up to be a lecture and discussion with Max Stackhouse, one of the most prolific writers in the field of theology. Max's specialty is the ethics of globalization and creating "moral business." But Max brought with him one of the foremost legal ethicists to critique and cross-examine him. And following them were a cadre of Boston's finest theological and legal minds.
And just when we were getting seated, in walked another, and I should mention, unsuspected icon; Harvey Cox. I know that might not mean much to some of you, but for me it was like being at a Bruce Springsteen concert and having Jackson Browne walk on to the stage, just for fun, to jam with his old pal.
Now Max has written over a hundred books and is without question an authority, but none has ever made the NYT Bestseller list. Harvey has done it three times - The Secular City, Feast of Fools, and Seduction of the Spirit. I was in geek heaven! I got to listen and then ask questions of some of the greatest thinkers in my beloved field.
Interestingly one of my classmates asked me afterward why I had not challenged Max like I do so often in class - Was I worried or just respectful? My answer came from my dad - "when you are in the presence of a master, shut up and take notes!" I say, when you are at the concert with The Boss, listen and enjoy the music!
Rock on!
Breathing
I have a friend who is tremendously giving. The only problem is that she is not too terrific at taking in compliments or receiving gifts from others. So i wonder about her health. Giving without receiving is a lot like exhaling without inhaling - eventually you will pass out from lack of oxygen. And by the way, the opposite is also true - all receiving with no giving is like inhaling but never exhaling; eventually the build up of carbon dioxide will cause you to pass out as well.
So what we really have to pay attention to is breathing god's abundance. We can not do one without the other. It is not better to give than receive - nor is it better to receive than to give. Life and the abundance of the creator are like the air we breathe - to be taken in and given out, in full and measured balance.
My Lutheran stoic heritage would have me believe that I am to be self sacrificing and self-effacing. I should feel guilty for even asking for help but should never turn another's request away. But that is not the breath of life god meant for us to share. Isn't it funny how distorted we have made the gifting of the almighty.
Giving and reciving - like inhaling and exhaling - are the basic elements of life. Do both or suffer the consequences of losing consciousness!
So what we really have to pay attention to is breathing god's abundance. We can not do one without the other. It is not better to give than receive - nor is it better to receive than to give. Life and the abundance of the creator are like the air we breathe - to be taken in and given out, in full and measured balance.
My Lutheran stoic heritage would have me believe that I am to be self sacrificing and self-effacing. I should feel guilty for even asking for help but should never turn another's request away. But that is not the breath of life god meant for us to share. Isn't it funny how distorted we have made the gifting of the almighty.
Giving and reciving - like inhaling and exhaling - are the basic elements of life. Do both or suffer the consequences of losing consciousness!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Meeting The Challenge
"Nature does not do bailouts!" I was reading a recent article by Al Gore (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122584367114799137.html) where I came across that line. It is so true, and it is what has been bothering me about this whole damned fiasco since the beginning of the discussions. It is the drug mentality all over again! We live in a society that has come to expect a quick fix for any ailment that besets us. More Valium, Prozac and Xanax are prescribed and used in America than all other over the counter and prescribed drugs totaled. We have an industry built on surgical procedures to alter obesity. We want instant gratification, instant solutions, and, yes, bailouts.
Sorry, that isn't how it works! Development and maturity are the result of meeting challenges and adapting our childish need for "having it our way" into some other way that lives in harmony with the world. It is critically important for us to learn to live life on life's terms, not ours, and that seems to be where the train derailed some years ago. Part of the science that started engineering our planet in an effort to provide for improvements and cures grew into a larger-than-life Frankensteinian monster that now stomps about out of our control. We (collectively) learned that we don't have to suffer and that generalized into anything that might be even the slightest bit disconcerting. Continuing down this line, we will atrophy our ability to create any true solutions and adapt to our surroundings, and that just reads like a bad sci-fi novel.
It is time that we reverse the trend and face the music. Meeting this challenge (market correction) head-on for the truth it teaches us won't be easy. Our "problems" carry a truth - a lesson - in them that is important to capture and which is conveniently stepped over when we get bailed out. Overspending, gluttony, consumption, leveraged credit all are lies, the consequences of which we have to face. And there is always a consequence, you don't get away with anything - even though you think you can. Life does not work that way! This is hard, it is not easy to meet such challenges head on, but bones become brittle and porous if they don't carry a load, muscles weaken and shrink it they aren't exercised, and minds go senile if they aren't sufficiently challenged. The consequences of a bailout may be more severe down the road than those of sticking our faces in the mess and working through the painful process of dealing and adapting. But the result of the latter is nature's way, and life's process of healthy living.
Sorry, that isn't how it works! Development and maturity are the result of meeting challenges and adapting our childish need for "having it our way" into some other way that lives in harmony with the world. It is critically important for us to learn to live life on life's terms, not ours, and that seems to be where the train derailed some years ago. Part of the science that started engineering our planet in an effort to provide for improvements and cures grew into a larger-than-life Frankensteinian monster that now stomps about out of our control. We (collectively) learned that we don't have to suffer and that generalized into anything that might be even the slightest bit disconcerting. Continuing down this line, we will atrophy our ability to create any true solutions and adapt to our surroundings, and that just reads like a bad sci-fi novel.
It is time that we reverse the trend and face the music. Meeting this challenge (market correction) head-on for the truth it teaches us won't be easy. Our "problems" carry a truth - a lesson - in them that is important to capture and which is conveniently stepped over when we get bailed out. Overspending, gluttony, consumption, leveraged credit all are lies, the consequences of which we have to face. And there is always a consequence, you don't get away with anything - even though you think you can. Life does not work that way! This is hard, it is not easy to meet such challenges head on, but bones become brittle and porous if they don't carry a load, muscles weaken and shrink it they aren't exercised, and minds go senile if they aren't sufficiently challenged. The consequences of a bailout may be more severe down the road than those of sticking our faces in the mess and working through the painful process of dealing and adapting. But the result of the latter is nature's way, and life's process of healthy living.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Why Do You Call Me Good?
Can you say humility, Neighbor? I knew you could! (I miss Mr Rogers) Today's scripture lesson in church was the story of the rich man who asked "Good Teacher, what do I have to do (yada yada yada)?" and is often the springboard to a homily about not being attached to worldly possessions, and so on. But did you ever notice Jesus's response starts with a simple and confusing question: "Why do you call me good?"
'Scuse me? The speaker of that phrase is either the Messiah (if you believe in him) or at the very least one of the most value-driven, ethically pure and selfless men to walk the planet. What is wrong with this picture? Why would he say that? He is the good one and I am allegedly the bad one. So it is I who should say, "aw shucks, don't call me good. I'm just a worm." But that is the problem. You see, I don't say that. In fact I do wish people would recognize the good things that I do. I try to do good in the world, hopefully to offset the not-so-good I also do. But deep inside I hope and pray that the good outweighs the bad enough so that at least someone will notice and call me good.
And then I read this, and there is a hollow in the pit of my stomach. Who am I to be called good, to wish to be called good when he won't even allow that adjective for himself. Oh don't hear that as some in-bred Lutheran or Calvinist guilt. It just hits me like this huge lesson in what humility is really supposed to be like. It is doing all those same things without ever thinking of or wishing for praise. I can and often do all the right things for the wrong reasons. What I have to get to is that station where I just do them because they are what I do. Oh my, I do have such a long way to go on this road!
'Scuse me? The speaker of that phrase is either the Messiah (if you believe in him) or at the very least one of the most value-driven, ethically pure and selfless men to walk the planet. What is wrong with this picture? Why would he say that? He is the good one and I am allegedly the bad one. So it is I who should say, "aw shucks, don't call me good. I'm just a worm." But that is the problem. You see, I don't say that. In fact I do wish people would recognize the good things that I do. I try to do good in the world, hopefully to offset the not-so-good I also do. But deep inside I hope and pray that the good outweighs the bad enough so that at least someone will notice and call me good.
And then I read this, and there is a hollow in the pit of my stomach. Who am I to be called good, to wish to be called good when he won't even allow that adjective for himself. Oh don't hear that as some in-bred Lutheran or Calvinist guilt. It just hits me like this huge lesson in what humility is really supposed to be like. It is doing all those same things without ever thinking of or wishing for praise. I can and often do all the right things for the wrong reasons. What I have to get to is that station where I just do them because they are what I do. Oh my, I do have such a long way to go on this road!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tis the Season - Already?
I overheard two people talking over the weekend. One said that their family was going to have a simple Christmas this year - no big gifts and overspending. It was half said out of sadness and half out of relief. We actually have a reason to start looking at Thanksgiving and seeing what we are thankful for, we have a chance to embrace the miracle of Hanukkah, and we have a shot at feeling the joy and the spirit of Christmas.
Oh My!
In the last few years the commercialization of these coming holidays has gotten out of hand, ridiculously gluttonous, and downright embarrassing to be around. Children have come to feel entitled to all of the gifts on their wish list, and like Dudley Dursley, whine, "but there were 34 presents last year, is that all?"
When did it all happen? When did Christmas get to be only about presents? When did we okay the ads starting before Halloween? Enough! I am grateful for a recession that forces to look at less and maybe see beyond the stacks of Barbies and model AK-47s and see that we actually are celebrating a rather special version of god's twisted little game - a surprise entrance where we least expected it - with a pregnant out of wedlock teen, displaced with her fiance to a place where no one welcomed them, to give birth in a stinking barn. Leave it to god to pull off that one!
So don't be surprised when godliness makes a guest appearance or shows up, like the oil that kept burning, and refuses to be what we expect. Don't spend this holiday. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with family. Pray in church and at home - not for our selves or for our wish list but for others, for enemies, for people who have even less. Fall is the season of gathering - gathering the apples and the harvest - gathering together. Maybe we have a chance to do it in an uncluttered way this year.
Oh My!
In the last few years the commercialization of these coming holidays has gotten out of hand, ridiculously gluttonous, and downright embarrassing to be around. Children have come to feel entitled to all of the gifts on their wish list, and like Dudley Dursley, whine, "but there were 34 presents last year, is that all?"
When did it all happen? When did Christmas get to be only about presents? When did we okay the ads starting before Halloween? Enough! I am grateful for a recession that forces to look at less and maybe see beyond the stacks of Barbies and model AK-47s and see that we actually are celebrating a rather special version of god's twisted little game - a surprise entrance where we least expected it - with a pregnant out of wedlock teen, displaced with her fiance to a place where no one welcomed them, to give birth in a stinking barn. Leave it to god to pull off that one!
So don't be surprised when godliness makes a guest appearance or shows up, like the oil that kept burning, and refuses to be what we expect. Don't spend this holiday. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with family. Pray in church and at home - not for our selves or for our wish list but for others, for enemies, for people who have even less. Fall is the season of gathering - gathering the apples and the harvest - gathering together. Maybe we have a chance to do it in an uncluttered way this year.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Praying the Rosary
Yesterday I had an appointment at one of the large teaching hospitals in Boston that has a significant women's practice. And as I was walking away from my appointment I came across a small group or protesters with signs about abortion being murder and killing and such. But what struck me was the elder man in the middle of the group in what was an obviously different state. He was praying the Rosary, working his way around a string of beads. I hadn't heard the Rosary in years and the whole vignette stopped me in my tracks.
I don't know what your beliefs are on the subject, but I know mine, and while different in many ways from the philosophy on the signs, I was moved by this man's presence. First of all, I don't see many people praying in public, at least not many who are not at all concerned with what others may think. There was not self-important "look at me pray" element like some TV evangelist. The man WAS praying and clearly deeply into it. His state reminded me of what I read in one of Merton's texts, that prayer changes us not god. It was spiritual and holy, not righteous.
But beyond that, his presence reminded me of my lost practice of ritual prayer. I fancy that I have some kind of conscious and real conversational relationship with the god of my experiencing, and so my prayer over time has become more of a fireside chat than formal. But what Merton says is true - for me, as well, if I recall. There is a power to ritual prayer that is not present in my conversation, even if some of the associated "theology" and concepts are contrary to my current set of beliefs and experiences. The power is that ritual lifts us from normal space/time experience into what Rohr calls "liminal" or threshold experience - that space where we are neither here nor there and we can become open and opened to what is trying to make its way into our consciousness. I remember that I experienced my calling, way back when I was 17, after pulling an all-nighter prayer vigil where I literally prayed every ritual prayer over and over for something like 12 hours.
It is something I too often forget, but thanks to a bunch of people I might never have talked to, I got re-grounded in a tool of spirituality that I had forgotten for some time. Even if I don't believe in Mary's intercessory role or ability, I am grateful for the man and his Rosary.
I don't know what your beliefs are on the subject, but I know mine, and while different in many ways from the philosophy on the signs, I was moved by this man's presence. First of all, I don't see many people praying in public, at least not many who are not at all concerned with what others may think. There was not self-important "look at me pray" element like some TV evangelist. The man WAS praying and clearly deeply into it. His state reminded me of what I read in one of Merton's texts, that prayer changes us not god. It was spiritual and holy, not righteous.
But beyond that, his presence reminded me of my lost practice of ritual prayer. I fancy that I have some kind of conscious and real conversational relationship with the god of my experiencing, and so my prayer over time has become more of a fireside chat than formal. But what Merton says is true - for me, as well, if I recall. There is a power to ritual prayer that is not present in my conversation, even if some of the associated "theology" and concepts are contrary to my current set of beliefs and experiences. The power is that ritual lifts us from normal space/time experience into what Rohr calls "liminal" or threshold experience - that space where we are neither here nor there and we can become open and opened to what is trying to make its way into our consciousness. I remember that I experienced my calling, way back when I was 17, after pulling an all-nighter prayer vigil where I literally prayed every ritual prayer over and over for something like 12 hours.
It is something I too often forget, but thanks to a bunch of people I might never have talked to, I got re-grounded in a tool of spirituality that I had forgotten for some time. Even if I don't believe in Mary's intercessory role or ability, I am grateful for the man and his Rosary.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Purpose of Religion
It would appear as I ask this question that the world is divided into a few camps on the purpose and relevance of religion. What got me here was an intensive course on Max Sackhouse's in-depth coverage of "God and Globalization" or the theological and moral basis of of global business. Max's camp would seem to believe that religions inform societies' meaning-making by establishing the values, morals and ethics by which those societies operate. He contends that, in fact, all societies are based in religious beliefs (even lumping Marxist/Communist countries in under that umbrella). So to Stackhouse the real purpose of religion is to define the rights and wrongs for societies so that they might come together and work together with some mutuality.
There are those also whose belief seems to be that the purpose of religion is to scare people into submission. These people hold a Machiavellian belief that the rich and powerful created dogma and doctrine to oppress the masses, and while there have been periods of history where that appears to be true, I do not think that over time this is a true purpose. To be sure religion is powerful and power will corrupt. So there have been Pastors and Popes who have sought personal gain from the institution of religion. But these are aberrations.
Yet a third camp feels that religion's purpose is to assuage the pain of being human just living this broken life. Life is pain and we seem to have evolved to this place where pain is neither allowed nor accepted as part of it. So religion comes to the rescue like some great vile of Prozac or Percoset (I don't know which is worse). Prayer and meditation are supposed to place you in the loving arms of the benevolent who will make it all better. Or at least that what it seems like from this side.
Then there is this little island of people (I audaciously assume that there are others) who believe that the purpose of religion is to teach and develop - actually, to provide the tools that teach and develop us as humans on this wacky trip of life. From this perspective, I admit that life is pain (and joy, yes, but lots of nasty painful things happen) and I admit that there are forces and powers far greater than we are and with each of these we must cope, no doubt. How? That is the operative question. Unlike Stackhouse, I do not believe that any religion can map out all of the scenarios that provide a handy dandy rule book of right/wrong. So into the gray and unknown and painful and powerful we venture - but not alone. Taken as lessons, the pains, our "sins" or our foibles, the forces of nature can be seen as things that teach us who we are and how we are to be with each other. Failure is the greatest teacher - think of it. And Jesus, as far as I can tell, never once got mad at or chastized a "sinner" or a fallen person or someone caught doing something "wrong.". The only people he called out were the self-righteous!
Sacred texts are most often inclusive of confusing and contradictory stories. Of course they all contain the obligatory short list of do's and don'ts but the bulk of them are life stories of men and women struggling into the void of not knowing - not, however, as examples - but as case studies meant to force our thinking to adapt. Like the koan, most of these stories don't have an obvious answer. They force us to think. And that I believe is the real purpose of religion - to force us and guide us to thinking and acting in an ever-adaptive and spiritually grounded way. It is not the easy interpretation (rules are a lot simpler way - just tell me what to do) but it works for me.
There are those also whose belief seems to be that the purpose of religion is to scare people into submission. These people hold a Machiavellian belief that the rich and powerful created dogma and doctrine to oppress the masses, and while there have been periods of history where that appears to be true, I do not think that over time this is a true purpose. To be sure religion is powerful and power will corrupt. So there have been Pastors and Popes who have sought personal gain from the institution of religion. But these are aberrations.
Yet a third camp feels that religion's purpose is to assuage the pain of being human just living this broken life. Life is pain and we seem to have evolved to this place where pain is neither allowed nor accepted as part of it. So religion comes to the rescue like some great vile of Prozac or Percoset (I don't know which is worse). Prayer and meditation are supposed to place you in the loving arms of the benevolent who will make it all better. Or at least that what it seems like from this side.
Then there is this little island of people (I audaciously assume that there are others) who believe that the purpose of religion is to teach and develop - actually, to provide the tools that teach and develop us as humans on this wacky trip of life. From this perspective, I admit that life is pain (and joy, yes, but lots of nasty painful things happen) and I admit that there are forces and powers far greater than we are and with each of these we must cope, no doubt. How? That is the operative question. Unlike Stackhouse, I do not believe that any religion can map out all of the scenarios that provide a handy dandy rule book of right/wrong. So into the gray and unknown and painful and powerful we venture - but not alone. Taken as lessons, the pains, our "sins" or our foibles, the forces of nature can be seen as things that teach us who we are and how we are to be with each other. Failure is the greatest teacher - think of it. And Jesus, as far as I can tell, never once got mad at or chastized a "sinner" or a fallen person or someone caught doing something "wrong.". The only people he called out were the self-righteous!
Sacred texts are most often inclusive of confusing and contradictory stories. Of course they all contain the obligatory short list of do's and don'ts but the bulk of them are life stories of men and women struggling into the void of not knowing - not, however, as examples - but as case studies meant to force our thinking to adapt. Like the koan, most of these stories don't have an obvious answer. They force us to think. And that I believe is the real purpose of religion - to force us and guide us to thinking and acting in an ever-adaptive and spiritually grounded way. It is not the easy interpretation (rules are a lot simpler way - just tell me what to do) but it works for me.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Trinitarian Experience
My wife is Jewish and wonders at times about my belief in what, to pure monotheism, may appear to be polytheistic - the trinitarian god experience of father, son and spirit. So this morning I was thinking about my experience of god. In particular I was thinking about how we all experience god. Uniquely, freshly, each time that experience happens.
I do not believe in a monolithic god - a one-size-fits-all god. In fact I do not believe in a god that is a "thing" at all. There can be no "thingness" to a god who is all things, unless that thing is everything. And if that be the case, then each individual experience of god is perfectly that which the one experiencing it needs, wants and believes it to be. Add to this Pascal's famous axiom that "we do not see the world as it is but as we are," and the result is that we experience (see) god exactly as we are or as we need at that moment.
But how is it that we experience our world, our life and therefore our god? Simply put, we tend to describe our living realms as mind, body and spirit. I relate to my world first from what I think and know - and that informs my overall meaning making. It is the source for all meaning making - that is, it "fathers" (you women-folk in the studio audience can translate that to "mothers" or "births") meaning. Secondly, I come to know my world through my body, my physical being. This a pure flesh-and-blood experience of life incarnate - the ultimate experience of humanness. And thirdly, I experience life in wonder, and belief, and the pure miracle of the life itself that breathes in me or perhaps that breathes me.
So then, if these are our three ways of knowing, it seems only a logical extension that theologians across the centuries should describe their collective experiences of god in those same ways - as source (father/mother), as flesh (a being like us that walked and talked and lived among us) and as the spirit, the essence of life itself. The triune god, the trinity, is simply a handy dandy way of describing the channels through which one experiences god. What do you expect? We are human and cannot do otherwise. Our containerization of god in no way diminishes the all-everything-ness of the Divine. But it has gotten in the way for millions as, over time, the labels became the thing. At the end of it all, I think the Jews got it right in refusing to even speak god's name; they knew better. God's blessings to you all - in everything that may mean to each of you!
I do not believe in a monolithic god - a one-size-fits-all god. In fact I do not believe in a god that is a "thing" at all. There can be no "thingness" to a god who is all things, unless that thing is everything. And if that be the case, then each individual experience of god is perfectly that which the one experiencing it needs, wants and believes it to be. Add to this Pascal's famous axiom that "we do not see the world as it is but as we are," and the result is that we experience (see) god exactly as we are or as we need at that moment.
But how is it that we experience our world, our life and therefore our god? Simply put, we tend to describe our living realms as mind, body and spirit. I relate to my world first from what I think and know - and that informs my overall meaning making. It is the source for all meaning making - that is, it "fathers" (you women-folk in the studio audience can translate that to "mothers" or "births") meaning. Secondly, I come to know my world through my body, my physical being. This a pure flesh-and-blood experience of life incarnate - the ultimate experience of humanness. And thirdly, I experience life in wonder, and belief, and the pure miracle of the life itself that breathes in me or perhaps that breathes me.
So then, if these are our three ways of knowing, it seems only a logical extension that theologians across the centuries should describe their collective experiences of god in those same ways - as source (father/mother), as flesh (a being like us that walked and talked and lived among us) and as the spirit, the essence of life itself. The triune god, the trinity, is simply a handy dandy way of describing the channels through which one experiences god. What do you expect? We are human and cannot do otherwise. Our containerization of god in no way diminishes the all-everything-ness of the Divine. But it has gotten in the way for millions as, over time, the labels became the thing. At the end of it all, I think the Jews got it right in refusing to even speak god's name; they knew better. God's blessings to you all - in everything that may mean to each of you!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Deepening Faith
Hey, no one needs a market analyst to recognize that the market here and abroad has recently fallen through the floor. While it seems bottomless, there is no solace in knowing that there is an absolute floor of resistance the the averages will bounce off of. People - everywhere - are scared and the recession-proofing that was built into the stock market, does not account for fear of this nature. Interestingly, people living in poverty are not as scared. And to be certain they will bear the brunt of this recession more than anyone. They aren't scared because they have not lost anything - they had none to lose.
But we in the middle and others like my client I wrote of (Moment of Truth, 10/7/08), we have lost some of the future in which we had invested: retirement plans, 401K's, Social Security. Uncertainty has become the state of things for now and the foreseeable future. And yet our leader (W, himself) wants us to pretend that all is well in happy land. Sorry, Dubyah, I do not have faith in you, nor do I accept your ignorance and empty promises.
So what are we to do in times like these? Politicians and money brokers are looking out for their own best interests and that may or may not work out for all of us in the long run (secretly, I think that whatever solution "they" work out will ultimately benefit mostly "them"). The answer is not what you want to hear - nor is it an answer at all. You see, these are the times without answers. These are the times of doubt. These are the times that try men's souls. So the reality is that we look into these times and hone our faith. We need to view these situations like Peter stepping out of the boat, and ask ourselves, "do we believe?" "But when [Peter] noticed the strong wind he became frightened and, beginning to sink, cried out,'Lord, save me!' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him saying, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (Mt. 14:30-31)
Do we have faith now when there is no reason to have faith? Do we believe when there is nothing in which to believe? We need to move beyond our inner Peter and inner Thomas to exercise true faith. So yesterday the Almighty Dow jumped in some shark-like feeding frenzy response of bargain-hunting. And we are all happy again. Indeed! "Have you believed because you have seen? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." John 20:29
But we in the middle and others like my client I wrote of (Moment of Truth, 10/7/08), we have lost some of the future in which we had invested: retirement plans, 401K's, Social Security. Uncertainty has become the state of things for now and the foreseeable future. And yet our leader (W, himself) wants us to pretend that all is well in happy land. Sorry, Dubyah, I do not have faith in you, nor do I accept your ignorance and empty promises.
So what are we to do in times like these? Politicians and money brokers are looking out for their own best interests and that may or may not work out for all of us in the long run (secretly, I think that whatever solution "they" work out will ultimately benefit mostly "them"). The answer is not what you want to hear - nor is it an answer at all. You see, these are the times without answers. These are the times of doubt. These are the times that try men's souls. So the reality is that we look into these times and hone our faith. We need to view these situations like Peter stepping out of the boat, and ask ourselves, "do we believe?" "But when [Peter] noticed the strong wind he became frightened and, beginning to sink, cried out,'Lord, save me!' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him saying, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (Mt. 14:30-31)
Do we have faith now when there is no reason to have faith? Do we believe when there is nothing in which to believe? We need to move beyond our inner Peter and inner Thomas to exercise true faith. So yesterday the Almighty Dow jumped in some shark-like feeding frenzy response of bargain-hunting. And we are all happy again. Indeed! "Have you believed because you have seen? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." John 20:29
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Spiritual Fitness (Yom Kippur)
My friend Peter and I have this running discussion on spiritual fitness. We got it in our heads that spirituality is something that either gets flabby or is exercised and is kept in shape - that in other words, we are not just gifted with spirituality, it doesn't just happen or just exist - it takes a certain discipline. So we started getting carried away with the discussion and the analogies of late. It seems to us that the fitness center is life itself - life, seen for what it really is and not through our illusions or denials. Life provides all of the stations of the universal gym of spirituality! Stick you face in that and go to town!
But then there are also spiritual exercises that in and of themselves tone up our spiritual fitness. (The discussion continued and spread through my friend Jeffrey.) These are literally physico-spiritual movements and positions - like yoga positions - that, in doing them, help tone and shape the spiritual muscles. And they come from every tradition: from yoga (when one surrenders to the position and no longer fights it) and the simple act of humbling oneself by getting on your knees; to various vipassana postures from Buddhism, the twirling of Sufi dance, and davening from the Jewish traditions. Each of these movements lifts us from our human and mundane experience and shapes and forms our spirituality. It is a workout routine with different stations!
But why bother? For me, I have no choice. Let me explain. I have a spinal injury that resulted in my left calf receiving no impulses and as a further result in atrophying that muscle. If I do not exercise daily, I am in pain by mid-afternoon. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the pain, but to me there is no choice. Spiritually, I am in the same place. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the hollow ache of lacking spirit or lacking the experience of god's presence in my life, but to me that is not a choice - ergo the only alternative is getting on my knees, stretching in the lotus, whirling in ecstasy, posturing in reverence, and rocking in prayerful experience at the east wall of the the life I see all around me.
The final element of Yom Kippur, Jeffrey tells me, is tachlit - the spiritual version of a hot soapy shower after weeks of hiking in the backwoods of Maine, or just that refreshing one after my exercising; letting the water wash away all of the sweat and smells of the spiritual workout! The whole thing is one big fitness routine. I get it! Now if you'll excuse me, the gym is calling - gotta go!
But then there are also spiritual exercises that in and of themselves tone up our spiritual fitness. (The discussion continued and spread through my friend Jeffrey.) These are literally physico-spiritual movements and positions - like yoga positions - that, in doing them, help tone and shape the spiritual muscles. And they come from every tradition: from yoga (when one surrenders to the position and no longer fights it) and the simple act of humbling oneself by getting on your knees; to various vipassana postures from Buddhism, the twirling of Sufi dance, and davening from the Jewish traditions. Each of these movements lifts us from our human and mundane experience and shapes and forms our spirituality. It is a workout routine with different stations!
But why bother? For me, I have no choice. Let me explain. I have a spinal injury that resulted in my left calf receiving no impulses and as a further result in atrophying that muscle. If I do not exercise daily, I am in pain by mid-afternoon. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the pain, but to me there is no choice. Spiritually, I am in the same place. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the hollow ache of lacking spirit or lacking the experience of god's presence in my life, but to me that is not a choice - ergo the only alternative is getting on my knees, stretching in the lotus, whirling in ecstasy, posturing in reverence, and rocking in prayerful experience at the east wall of the the life I see all around me.
The final element of Yom Kippur, Jeffrey tells me, is tachlit - the spiritual version of a hot soapy shower after weeks of hiking in the backwoods of Maine, or just that refreshing one after my exercising; letting the water wash away all of the sweat and smells of the spiritual workout! The whole thing is one big fitness routine. I get it! Now if you'll excuse me, the gym is calling - gotta go!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Moment of Truth
One of my clients told me yesterday that he had lost more than two million dollars over the last week. When I share that with others, I am surprised at the reactions: "That's a rich man's problem, at least he had it to lose!" "Wow - I guess it's a sign of the times." But the one that got me was: "Why did you continue the session instead of letting him get back to work?" That translates to why talk about improving his leadership when what is most needed is action? But really, when is there a better time to talk about leadership?
I have written before about faith - the kind of faith that one finds when there is no reason to believe and nothing in one's mind and soul wants to believe. I think the same is true about leadership. Most situations of leadership are a cake walk. when people willingly line up behind the leader and when the mission is clear, it really doesn't take much to lead - just the title and the willingness to open one's mouth and say, "Let's go!" But when the chips are down, and when everyone is either looking the other way or at least over their shoulder, it takes everything you have and much of what you don't have to lead.
What doesn't work at times like this is cheerleading, pie-in-the-sky optimism, bravado, or sexy powerpoint presentations. What doesn't work is all of the aphorisms learned at leadership school, the lessons of leadership in Jack and Built To Last and The One Minute Manager. What doesn't work is "been there done that," "this too shall pass, and "win this one for the gipper."
This is the moment of truth, the dark night of the soul, the death valley experience. And what works here for you has not yet been invented. What works here is not resident in one person. What works here is simple, gut-wrenching, knee-to-knee, eye-to-eye engagement with others in the process of discovering through open, co-creative dialog what none of us knows nor even knew we had. Leadership at the moment of truth is open and inviting, humbling and being humbled, questioning and being willing to listen to what is said but perhaps as importantly to what has not been said. Most of all, leadership at this point takes the courage to be incredibly present to others - each other we encounter - and to stay present when everything inside wants to duck and cover. After all, leadership isn't about the leader - it is not about you.
I have written before about faith - the kind of faith that one finds when there is no reason to believe and nothing in one's mind and soul wants to believe. I think the same is true about leadership. Most situations of leadership are a cake walk. when people willingly line up behind the leader and when the mission is clear, it really doesn't take much to lead - just the title and the willingness to open one's mouth and say, "Let's go!" But when the chips are down, and when everyone is either looking the other way or at least over their shoulder, it takes everything you have and much of what you don't have to lead.
What doesn't work at times like this is cheerleading, pie-in-the-sky optimism, bravado, or sexy powerpoint presentations. What doesn't work is all of the aphorisms learned at leadership school, the lessons of leadership in Jack and Built To Last and The One Minute Manager. What doesn't work is "been there done that," "this too shall pass, and "win this one for the gipper."
This is the moment of truth, the dark night of the soul, the death valley experience. And what works here for you has not yet been invented. What works here is not resident in one person. What works here is simple, gut-wrenching, knee-to-knee, eye-to-eye engagement with others in the process of discovering through open, co-creative dialog what none of us knows nor even knew we had. Leadership at the moment of truth is open and inviting, humbling and being humbled, questioning and being willing to listen to what is said but perhaps as importantly to what has not been said. Most of all, leadership at this point takes the courage to be incredibly present to others - each other we encounter - and to stay present when everything inside wants to duck and cover. After all, leadership isn't about the leader - it is not about you.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Twisted
Okay, I can't be serious all of the time. From the twisted mind of yours truly comes the following observation on the bleakest of Monday's on the NYSE: I was looking at the big board listings on CNBC (all red down arrows) and noted with a giggle that turned into a raucous belly laugh (or is it gallows humor) that aside from the safe haven of gold which soared above the $900 mark, the only stock that went up today as the Dow fell 777 points was Campbell's Soups!!
I looked for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese but it isn't a stock symbol.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
It's All Good
I have been haunted by memories of late. I guess when one is approaching a full six decades there's a lot the inner haunter has to choose from. But don't hear that as a bad or a good - it just is what is happening. In fact, that is the problem: what is showing up in retrospect is how what seemed good, wasn't (or may have been) and what was a horror has become the foundation of a towering strength today. So these reviews are more like movie watching - scary scenes and fun scenes but both just some screen event with no real power over me anymore. The take-away here is that each event held within it the power to be positive or negative depending on how I chose then or see it now.
The Greeks had a word for spirit, daemonae (my Greek is 40 years old so sue me if it's spelled wrong), which was not just the demonic (evil) as it is known today. It was actually the force within that could be good (rightly used) or bad (improperly used). It was the root of happiness (eudaemonika) as well. I think they nailed that one. Life is like that - each moment is rife with the power of good and bad. However I see it, however I choose, it becomes that. Moreover, after the fact, it still maintains that power to morph from good to bad or bad to good. And, think I, if that is so of life, is it not also true of my experience of god? My belief in god (should you not have read others of these blogs of mine - god is a word of convenience but not to be confused with the bearded, robed, grandfatherish thing of lore) is that god is in through and a part of all life and movement throughout the cosmos - and that includes me and my tiny little corner. God holds that same daemonic power - the source of joy and the fear of destruction (remember, you and I can be taken at anytime). What if god were not good or bad (those are human terms), what if god just was/is; all powerful, meaning just that - the power to source everything and be channeled to good or bad?
Then that puts the responsibility squarely on me to choose (right and wrong) and to interpret the past (good and bad). Thanks god! It would be so much simpler if the rules were just spelled out, I mean beyond the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. But of course that is impossible - 6 billion people times a lifetime of living an infinite number of moment-by-moment choices - it would not be possible to write the rule book for that. Se we - I - have to think and choose, and who is to say what is good or bad? Life is just rich - filled with the spirit of it all, with the daemonic, the yin and yang of all-in-one richness.
Yesterday I got a note from a friend of long ago - someone who in the good and bad of it all I thought I had hurt. In telling her life story to her 18 year old, she had reflected warmly about our years together. Well - there you go! It's like Glenda asked, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" I dunno - which witch is which? I guess to me it's all good!
The Greeks had a word for spirit, daemonae (my Greek is 40 years old so sue me if it's spelled wrong), which was not just the demonic (evil) as it is known today. It was actually the force within that could be good (rightly used) or bad (improperly used). It was the root of happiness (eudaemonika) as well. I think they nailed that one. Life is like that - each moment is rife with the power of good and bad. However I see it, however I choose, it becomes that. Moreover, after the fact, it still maintains that power to morph from good to bad or bad to good. And, think I, if that is so of life, is it not also true of my experience of god? My belief in god (should you not have read others of these blogs of mine - god is a word of convenience but not to be confused with the bearded, robed, grandfatherish thing of lore) is that god is in through and a part of all life and movement throughout the cosmos - and that includes me and my tiny little corner. God holds that same daemonic power - the source of joy and the fear of destruction (remember, you and I can be taken at anytime). What if god were not good or bad (those are human terms), what if god just was/is; all powerful, meaning just that - the power to source everything and be channeled to good or bad?
Then that puts the responsibility squarely on me to choose (right and wrong) and to interpret the past (good and bad). Thanks god! It would be so much simpler if the rules were just spelled out, I mean beyond the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. But of course that is impossible - 6 billion people times a lifetime of living an infinite number of moment-by-moment choices - it would not be possible to write the rule book for that. Se we - I - have to think and choose, and who is to say what is good or bad? Life is just rich - filled with the spirit of it all, with the daemonic, the yin and yang of all-in-one richness.
Yesterday I got a note from a friend of long ago - someone who in the good and bad of it all I thought I had hurt. In telling her life story to her 18 year old, she had reflected warmly about our years together. Well - there you go! It's like Glenda asked, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" I dunno - which witch is which? I guess to me it's all good!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Theology of Words
I don't have the words right yet to deal with what is tumbling around inside me. I am in this class with a magnificent professor - brilliant and pedigreed - and of course I find myself debating with him in class. It is sport and my own unique way of learning (if I can dialog with him the words and concepts have a better shot of sticking in with the cobwebs inside my cranium). And then it happens: this brilliant man says something that leads me to think that what he calls theology - a legacy of concepts from Niebuhr to Tillich to Stackhouse - a sound and well honed discourse, is in fact light years away from my personal theology. My beliefs are borne of those and other readings but then lightly tossed in a big bowl with a lot of vinegar, or more like dust and blood and events and dark nights alone in prayer. And as a result my "theology" if it can be called that, is not only personally defined but quite different.
Belief - that is the operative word - is something that I have because there can be no evidence for what I name god. (Sorry but I use that word/name for convenience because Voldemort stole "He who cannot be named"). Anyway faith and belief is what appears in the void not what happens when some Sunday School Teacher says "cuz the Bible tells me so." I believe in and follow what Joshua (aka Jesus the Nazarene) preached - a somewhat radical and reverse logic that in order to be filled one must be empty, in order to save your life you have to lose it, that the rich are poor and the poor have abundance. He told us that what we think is good is what is in the way and that when we embrace what is bad (our faults and defects) we are made whole and filled with compassion for others. This practical but counterintuitive logic seems to be quite different from the teachings of my church and certainly this classically educated professor.
Now I am not a suck for a grade, and I can go to the mat with the best of them, but I do feel this dilemma. How am I to explain and justify that which is only my journey? Each of us has a personal spiritual journey and most likely none of those will fit within the structure of any classic theology. It can't. Textbook theology is perhaps what we are supposed to think and espouse, but the experience of spiritual contact cannot be defined, or bottled up or very often spoken. Then what am I to do? Argue my points from a textbook definition which no longer lives for me? Or struggle to place my experience in some conceptual framework knowing that it may never make "real" sense to anyone but me?
Belief - that is the operative word - is something that I have because there can be no evidence for what I name god. (Sorry but I use that word/name for convenience because Voldemort stole "He who cannot be named"). Anyway faith and belief is what appears in the void not what happens when some Sunday School Teacher says "cuz the Bible tells me so." I believe in and follow what Joshua (aka Jesus the Nazarene) preached - a somewhat radical and reverse logic that in order to be filled one must be empty, in order to save your life you have to lose it, that the rich are poor and the poor have abundance. He told us that what we think is good is what is in the way and that when we embrace what is bad (our faults and defects) we are made whole and filled with compassion for others. This practical but counterintuitive logic seems to be quite different from the teachings of my church and certainly this classically educated professor.
Now I am not a suck for a grade, and I can go to the mat with the best of them, but I do feel this dilemma. How am I to explain and justify that which is only my journey? Each of us has a personal spiritual journey and most likely none of those will fit within the structure of any classic theology. It can't. Textbook theology is perhaps what we are supposed to think and espouse, but the experience of spiritual contact cannot be defined, or bottled up or very often spoken. Then what am I to do? Argue my points from a textbook definition which no longer lives for me? Or struggle to place my experience in some conceptual framework knowing that it may never make "real" sense to anyone but me?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Groundhog
We have a groundhog in our neighborhood - that I think lives under my tool shed. - and who helps himself to our herbs and flowers as well as the apples that fall over the fence from my neighbor's tree. He is big, and fat, and as it appears to me, quite happy in life.
I was watching him this morning at breakfast. He sat peacefully on the hillside, alternating munching on well watered grasses and observing the occasional joggers going by. I wondered what I could learn from him. First of all, he wants for nothing, yet he did not plant it, care for it or invest anything in it. If he could speak I am certain that he would view this world as his idea, his garden, his tossed salad on a silver platter! Yet I worry so much. How will I pay for this or that? Will I be able to feed my family? What about the leak I always get in the cellar after a heavy rain? How can I start seeing the world as my garden?
But he is also serene. Nothing seems to hurry my rather annoying visitor. He knows where his safe places are - the nearest bush or tunnel to escape me or another neighbor who has had it with his confounded eating our precious flowers. But he is calm and, yes, serene. he eats peacefully, looks up and surveys his world peacefully, and returns to his apple slowly and calmly. He isn't rushed - as I am - running from pillar to post, from one client to the next. Where is my peace, my pace, in this hurry-up world in which I live.
So I have declared today as Groundhog Day! And maybe tomorrow too. But unlike the movie of the same name, it will not be reliving the same events to get it right. It will be to see the world as my salad plate, to take my time, to know where my safety really is and to observe everything with a calm serenity. I have despised the little bastard, for always showing me up and outsmarting my attempts to stop him. But now he has the audacity to become my teacher!
I was watching him this morning at breakfast. He sat peacefully on the hillside, alternating munching on well watered grasses and observing the occasional joggers going by. I wondered what I could learn from him. First of all, he wants for nothing, yet he did not plant it, care for it or invest anything in it. If he could speak I am certain that he would view this world as his idea, his garden, his tossed salad on a silver platter! Yet I worry so much. How will I pay for this or that? Will I be able to feed my family? What about the leak I always get in the cellar after a heavy rain? How can I start seeing the world as my garden?
But he is also serene. Nothing seems to hurry my rather annoying visitor. He knows where his safe places are - the nearest bush or tunnel to escape me or another neighbor who has had it with his confounded eating our precious flowers. But he is calm and, yes, serene. he eats peacefully, looks up and surveys his world peacefully, and returns to his apple slowly and calmly. He isn't rushed - as I am - running from pillar to post, from one client to the next. Where is my peace, my pace, in this hurry-up world in which I live.
So I have declared today as Groundhog Day! And maybe tomorrow too. But unlike the movie of the same name, it will not be reliving the same events to get it right. It will be to see the world as my salad plate, to take my time, to know where my safety really is and to observe everything with a calm serenity. I have despised the little bastard, for always showing me up and outsmarting my attempts to stop him. But now he has the audacity to become my teacher!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Rest
Weird day. I awoke in a rush and did my usual routine but somewhere in the zoom lost my phoneberry. (unrecalled by my conscious mind - I had put it in my briefcase). In a panic and rush I left home (I thought) without it. I found it though when it vibrated in the silence of my car. I had been meditating on the fact that the world I am in is whirling much too fast and I want to get off. Calling home I told my compassionate wife that I needed to have a day of grace and relaxation - I just wished I could have a mini sabbatical.
I got to my first appointment and found that she wasn't there - she had just been called into an emergency meeting and left apologies for the missed meeting. Cool! Found time called wife again and found myself saying, "gee god sure answers quickly." So I checked in with my next two appointments just in case it was a divine plot to answer my request. 11AM said, I just can't meet today, let's reschedule," and my 1PM confirmed. It was now 9:30 and I went home to write and reflect on how wonderful it was to ask for time to rest and have it appear so quickly.
I remember Carolyn Myss saying once that things show up in a timeliness that is equal to your living in the present. Wow! Good connections, eh! And now I am contemplating going to bed at 9PM. I need some rest, thank you, God!
I got to my first appointment and found that she wasn't there - she had just been called into an emergency meeting and left apologies for the missed meeting. Cool! Found time called wife again and found myself saying, "gee god sure answers quickly." So I checked in with my next two appointments just in case it was a divine plot to answer my request. 11AM said, I just can't meet today, let's reschedule," and my 1PM confirmed. It was now 9:30 and I went home to write and reflect on how wonderful it was to ask for time to rest and have it appear so quickly.
I remember Carolyn Myss saying once that things show up in a timeliness that is equal to your living in the present. Wow! Good connections, eh! And now I am contemplating going to bed at 9PM. I need some rest, thank you, God!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Abundant Life
First of all, thanks to my Pastor for his sermon last week (noting the true definition of the "abundant" life that is our birthright) and to my magical eldest daughter, Pastor B, for her notes from a recent trip back to the barrios of Ecuador which re-frame once again my understanding of abundance and scarcity.
So here is the question: Why is it that those who have the most (wealth, toys, land, holdings) suffer most from a feeling of scarcity and wanting, while those with so little are so giving and seem so willing to share ALL that they have? Isn't that backwards? Doesn't that strike you as, if not impossible, at the very least improbable? But that is the truth. And it is the core message of the sacred texts. Give it away and you have more. More what? Simple: more abundance.
Then what is this abundance and this so-called abundant life. It is a freedom - freedom from the addictions of the ego and its petty righteousness around things and symbols. The ego, it would seem, needs to count and to measure. It needs to believe that it means something. But ego, like Kubrick's computer HAL, is a tool gone bad. The mind is an organ of the human body designed to make sense out of nonsense, to make order out of chaos. That's its sole purpose. But along the way it begins to distinguish (in its task of ordering things) self from other, and in doing so begins to count. "I have more of this than he does." "I am not the same as he." "I am different, special, unique, and therefore uniquely loved by my maker." OOO-yeah, I slipped that last one in there as a sucker punch. See that's where it goes of the deep end. And we cannot seem to call it back at that point, "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that!"
And so god points us to the poor among us, to the children among us, to the widowed, outcast, disenfranchised; to those who HAVE nothing, as the examples of how and where to access abundance. That is not a non sequitur. It is simply that devoid of the entrapments of stuff, spiritually-inclined people are able to access an abundance of the meaning and meaningful stuff of life - love, aesthetics, charity, compassion. They are able to "get it" because their identity is not so wrapped up in the structures and counting of their ego. As a matter of record, I would contend that their egos have been relatively smashed. All-in-all not a bad thing.
How then do we access this abundant life? It may not be, as Jesus instructed the rich man, to sell of all our possessions and give the proceeds to the poor, unless, of course (as was the case with the rich man) our identity is all wrapped up in that stuff. But can you become, as the Buddha instructed, detached from it? What would you or I need to do to get us to the point of smashed ego-function, and live free from any - ANY - attachment to the stuff and the accomplishments and the numbers in life? Most importantly, how do I teach my son that value (I am confident both adult daughters live there)?
Abundant life is a discipline - a way of being - that practices detachment to stuff and acts with charity in all times and places. It is not a state one can achieve (yes, that would be ego talking again) - it is only a path, a discipline that eventually shapes the mind and soul. Freedom is the state of being that results from the discipline of abundant living. Freedom from counting, freedom from worry, freedom from scarcity, freedom from oppression (can you dig that? - you cannot oppress a man who is ego-less, you cannot take anything from one who holds on to nothing).
So here is the question: Why is it that those who have the most (wealth, toys, land, holdings) suffer most from a feeling of scarcity and wanting, while those with so little are so giving and seem so willing to share ALL that they have? Isn't that backwards? Doesn't that strike you as, if not impossible, at the very least improbable? But that is the truth. And it is the core message of the sacred texts. Give it away and you have more. More what? Simple: more abundance.
Then what is this abundance and this so-called abundant life. It is a freedom - freedom from the addictions of the ego and its petty righteousness around things and symbols. The ego, it would seem, needs to count and to measure. It needs to believe that it means something. But ego, like Kubrick's computer HAL, is a tool gone bad. The mind is an organ of the human body designed to make sense out of nonsense, to make order out of chaos. That's its sole purpose. But along the way it begins to distinguish (in its task of ordering things) self from other, and in doing so begins to count. "I have more of this than he does." "I am not the same as he." "I am different, special, unique, and therefore uniquely loved by my maker." OOO-yeah, I slipped that last one in there as a sucker punch. See that's where it goes of the deep end. And we cannot seem to call it back at that point, "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that!"
And so god points us to the poor among us, to the children among us, to the widowed, outcast, disenfranchised; to those who HAVE nothing, as the examples of how and where to access abundance. That is not a non sequitur. It is simply that devoid of the entrapments of stuff, spiritually-inclined people are able to access an abundance of the meaning and meaningful stuff of life - love, aesthetics, charity, compassion. They are able to "get it" because their identity is not so wrapped up in the structures and counting of their ego. As a matter of record, I would contend that their egos have been relatively smashed. All-in-all not a bad thing.
How then do we access this abundant life? It may not be, as Jesus instructed the rich man, to sell of all our possessions and give the proceeds to the poor, unless, of course (as was the case with the rich man) our identity is all wrapped up in that stuff. But can you become, as the Buddha instructed, detached from it? What would you or I need to do to get us to the point of smashed ego-function, and live free from any - ANY - attachment to the stuff and the accomplishments and the numbers in life? Most importantly, how do I teach my son that value (I am confident both adult daughters live there)?
Abundant life is a discipline - a way of being - that practices detachment to stuff and acts with charity in all times and places. It is not a state one can achieve (yes, that would be ego talking again) - it is only a path, a discipline that eventually shapes the mind and soul. Freedom is the state of being that results from the discipline of abundant living. Freedom from counting, freedom from worry, freedom from scarcity, freedom from oppression (can you dig that? - you cannot oppress a man who is ego-less, you cannot take anything from one who holds on to nothing).
Friday, August 22, 2008
Do You Suffer Enough
The Buddha says that it is suffering that moves us to change toward enlightenment and I must agree. I have written about pain before (Purposeful Pain, 7/14/08) but that is purely on an individual level and of the nature that prevents me from further hurting myself. What I am thinking of now is actual suffering and grief.
On a personal level the suffering in the dark night of the soul is the place where we discover real faith and hope. In truth, it cannot exist anywhere else. Seriously, what kind of faith is it if you have all the evidence in the world that god has provided for you. That is evidence. Faith is only evident when there is doubt, or as Carolyn Myss is fond of saying, "In order to have faith you need to have an experience that demands you find it." So a real purpose of our pain suffering and doubt is that it forces us to develop deep faith and the endurance of a distance runner.
But in the transformational journey, the waves of darkness keep coming. (Oh you thought it was over and that the lesson was learned - wrong!) Each time we dip into the dark night, another layer of ego is stripped away, and another door or window to the world is opened. We gradually evolve from self centered living to allocentric living - other centered. The Buddha calls these outer layers of consciousness a movement toward oneness. As the illusion of separateness is eroded by spiritual suffering (sometimes it is more like being ripped away), our consciousness opens to the global experience of what it means to be human. 'I' becomes 'we' and the limited awareness of one's "sheltered" thin slice of humanity widens to include many others. This is good and right, right?
Wrong! Not good! Because with this awareness comes the suffering of 3-4 billion of the world's population. Not spiritual suffering alone: not just hunger - but starvation; not just sickness - but plague; not just pain - but torture. Human suffering is the awareness of the transformed soul. And what can we do with that level of awareness? The answer is not in turning away, or in numbing our brains with drugs and alcohol. No, the answer is, feel it, let it course through your body and rip out the last vestiges of an ego that thinks it has the power to solve the problem, and then sit with the grief! (O, fun, sign me up for that ride!)
The price of admission to the transformation ride is awareness - disturbing, painful, awareness. The kind that wakes you up at 3AM in the question of, "What am I going to do today that works toward the side of justice and mercy?" And so I sit here with the question (I have gotten used to living in the question) wondering at what point will the suffering be so unbearable that I chuck the roles I currently have and take greater action; global action. At what point will I no longer be able to silence the voice that wants to scream out at the profitability machine, "Enough!" When will I have suffered enough for that? Do you suffer enough?
On a personal level the suffering in the dark night of the soul is the place where we discover real faith and hope. In truth, it cannot exist anywhere else. Seriously, what kind of faith is it if you have all the evidence in the world that god has provided for you. That is evidence. Faith is only evident when there is doubt, or as Carolyn Myss is fond of saying, "In order to have faith you need to have an experience that demands you find it." So a real purpose of our pain suffering and doubt is that it forces us to develop deep faith and the endurance of a distance runner.
But in the transformational journey, the waves of darkness keep coming. (Oh you thought it was over and that the lesson was learned - wrong!) Each time we dip into the dark night, another layer of ego is stripped away, and another door or window to the world is opened. We gradually evolve from self centered living to allocentric living - other centered. The Buddha calls these outer layers of consciousness a movement toward oneness. As the illusion of separateness is eroded by spiritual suffering (sometimes it is more like being ripped away), our consciousness opens to the global experience of what it means to be human. 'I' becomes 'we' and the limited awareness of one's "sheltered" thin slice of humanity widens to include many others. This is good and right, right?
Wrong! Not good! Because with this awareness comes the suffering of 3-4 billion of the world's population. Not spiritual suffering alone: not just hunger - but starvation; not just sickness - but plague; not just pain - but torture. Human suffering is the awareness of the transformed soul. And what can we do with that level of awareness? The answer is not in turning away, or in numbing our brains with drugs and alcohol. No, the answer is, feel it, let it course through your body and rip out the last vestiges of an ego that thinks it has the power to solve the problem, and then sit with the grief! (O, fun, sign me up for that ride!)
The price of admission to the transformation ride is awareness - disturbing, painful, awareness. The kind that wakes you up at 3AM in the question of, "What am I going to do today that works toward the side of justice and mercy?" And so I sit here with the question (I have gotten used to living in the question) wondering at what point will the suffering be so unbearable that I chuck the roles I currently have and take greater action; global action. At what point will I no longer be able to silence the voice that wants to scream out at the profitability machine, "Enough!" When will I have suffered enough for that? Do you suffer enough?
Monday, August 18, 2008
Surrendering
I have been thinking a lot about the role of surrender and how we engage in the process of surrendering - whether to the will of god or life's issues. It seems to me that surrenderers (is that a word?) fall into two groups: those who, through their insight and reflection of the events, seem to be willing to “turn over the keys” and let the universe or the powers do the driving (I'll call that a "standing surrender"), and those who have to be beaten into submission and get to the point of knowing that it is either “surrender or die” (which I will call "on your knees" surrendering). The qualitative difference between the two groups is not in the nature of the surrender itself, however. It is in their willingness to surrender and in their view of the end point of the process. The second group (who resist the surrender) seem to believe that there must be an end point. They hope against hope that “this too will pass” but in the end join in with Churchill who allegedly said after the Battle of Britain, “nothing focuses a man’s mind like a loaded pistol next to his head.” Each time they surrender (yes, on their knees again) they get up thinking that this time was "it" and that they finally learned the lesson.
The former group (standing surrender) however, come to a realization that there is no end point, that in fact it is the process of being willing to surrender over and over (see Between the Garden Gates, posted 12/27/07) that is the result. They seem to understand what is at stake. Surrendering fully is letting the ego die of starvation. The great masters knew this truth and followed this path or guided their students along the path. They systematically denied anything that would feed ego or even looked like it might be self serving. In fact, they willingly took direct shots from the world around them knowing somehow that the pain would eventually defeat and drive out the pride and egocentrism that prevent the surrender which would lead them to advanced leadership. Richard Rohr says it a bit more succinctly, “In the great spiritual traditions, the wounds to our ego are our teachers and must be welcomed. They must be paid attention to, not litigated.” In today’s world we have built a society that wishes to program away or drug out anything that may be even marginally perceived as painful or uncomfortable. Yet those are exactly the conditions that produce and shape our development. The ego will not go quietly! Its whole identity is at risk. The belief that we can prevail and conquer anything, any condition – even death itself – must pass away and yield to a greater truth of life: that life is borrowed time, that living is for service to others and not the self and that ultimately universal chaos is in charge, not our petty little plans and schedules. Surrender is the process of facing the inevitable setback and pain in the knowledge that through it we become shaped into vessels.
The former group (standing surrender) however, come to a realization that there is no end point, that in fact it is the process of being willing to surrender over and over (see Between the Garden Gates, posted 12/27/07) that is the result. They seem to understand what is at stake. Surrendering fully is letting the ego die of starvation. The great masters knew this truth and followed this path or guided their students along the path. They systematically denied anything that would feed ego or even looked like it might be self serving. In fact, they willingly took direct shots from the world around them knowing somehow that the pain would eventually defeat and drive out the pride and egocentrism that prevent the surrender which would lead them to advanced leadership. Richard Rohr says it a bit more succinctly, “In the great spiritual traditions, the wounds to our ego are our teachers and must be welcomed. They must be paid attention to, not litigated.” In today’s world we have built a society that wishes to program away or drug out anything that may be even marginally perceived as painful or uncomfortable. Yet those are exactly the conditions that produce and shape our development. The ego will not go quietly! Its whole identity is at risk. The belief that we can prevail and conquer anything, any condition – even death itself – must pass away and yield to a greater truth of life: that life is borrowed time, that living is for service to others and not the self and that ultimately universal chaos is in charge, not our petty little plans and schedules. Surrender is the process of facing the inevitable setback and pain in the knowledge that through it we become shaped into vessels.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Shock and Awe
It's the weekend and I am beat. I have been staying up late to watch the Olympics every night this past week (despite being able to see most events upon awaking recorded on www.nbcolympics.com). By the way those who don't know me well may not know that I never (underline that) never watch television. Except during the Olympics. This one has certainly provided me with more than enough substance to far outweigh the repetitive and often annoying ads.
If you remember the old ABC Wide World of Sports tag line "the human drama of athletic competition" you will certainly find it in these Olympics. Say whatever you like about the obsession it takes for someone like Michael Phelps to become synonymous with world record -watching people strive to be the best they can be, fail at it and embrace their fellow competitor is awe-inspiring. The range of emotions I am host to as a slug on the couch at 11PM, has astounded even me! Sometimes I just don't know what to feel; these games being set in the belly of China, a country that tried its best to blot out its record of human rights issues with an ostentatious display of over-the-top technology combined with precision to the 2008th power! When I add to that watching the effort put out by every athlete, the joy of Burundi or Serbia winning their country's first ever medal, the dedication of Dara Torres at 41 in her fifth Olympics, or the electricity as our local Home Depot literally came to a halt while they watched their own "girl from checkout" compete for and win a bronze in judo, I frequently well up.
There will be accusations of drug use or performance enhancement of course; and no doubt some will be guilty - competition does that. But for two short weeks, I will forget my politics, I will believe in the human spirit, and I will go with too little sleep - and dream that I am somehow a part of all that is happening a half a world away. Sorry, I am an idealist.
If you remember the old ABC Wide World of Sports tag line "the human drama of athletic competition" you will certainly find it in these Olympics. Say whatever you like about the obsession it takes for someone like Michael Phelps to become synonymous with world record -watching people strive to be the best they can be, fail at it and embrace their fellow competitor is awe-inspiring. The range of emotions I am host to as a slug on the couch at 11PM, has astounded even me! Sometimes I just don't know what to feel; these games being set in the belly of China, a country that tried its best to blot out its record of human rights issues with an ostentatious display of over-the-top technology combined with precision to the 2008th power! When I add to that watching the effort put out by every athlete, the joy of Burundi or Serbia winning their country's first ever medal, the dedication of Dara Torres at 41 in her fifth Olympics, or the electricity as our local Home Depot literally came to a halt while they watched their own "girl from checkout" compete for and win a bronze in judo, I frequently well up.
There will be accusations of drug use or performance enhancement of course; and no doubt some will be guilty - competition does that. But for two short weeks, I will forget my politics, I will believe in the human spirit, and I will go with too little sleep - and dream that I am somehow a part of all that is happening a half a world away. Sorry, I am an idealist.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Talking With Dragons
This is a quick one!
Two weeks ago I bought a voice-to-text software tool called Dragon-Naturally Speaking (v9). And in those two weeks I have become a walking talking advertisement for it. This is the smartest piece of software I have ever seen. Not only does it recognize what I am saying with amazing accuracy, it learns and corrects itself each time. The only real problem I have had so far is when Joe and I are working on the book in Starbucks, the background noise, chatter and music confuses it somewhat - so the editing gets a little hard. But at home, the Dragon is close to flawless. Best of all I got it at Staples for $50 after rebate! This is a writer's dream come true.
Two weeks ago I bought a voice-to-text software tool called Dragon-Naturally Speaking (v9). And in those two weeks I have become a walking talking advertisement for it. This is the smartest piece of software I have ever seen. Not only does it recognize what I am saying with amazing accuracy, it learns and corrects itself each time. The only real problem I have had so far is when Joe and I are working on the book in Starbucks, the background noise, chatter and music confuses it somewhat - so the editing gets a little hard. But at home, the Dragon is close to flawless. Best of all I got it at Staples for $50 after rebate! This is a writer's dream come true.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Reverse Logic
Lately I have been studying the process of transformation as a metaphor for some of the deeper spiritual work we sometimes face and it seems to me that we have this all backwards. Most of us (I include me in that) think of the work of transformation as learning how to delete the nasty and less desirable aspects of ourselves - our defects of character - so that we might live purer, more saintly lives. On closer inspection of the scriptures, I find that it is just the opposite.
Think of it this way. Those desirable parts of our personalities, the ones we think are good, actually get in the way of letting in the divine goodness - or perhaps more accurately, letting it out. Furthermore those same characteristics might serve to make us think better of ourselves than we should - hey I am proud of my charitable works, it is what I am supposed to do. But look at our scriptural heritage: From Judaic tradition prior to Passover the family was to select the purest lamb from the flock and bring it in to the house. There it lived as one of the family for four days, while the kids played with it, fell in love with it, named it and cuddled it at night. Then after the fourth day, it was slaughtered! Not some nasty old goat - the cute, pure innocent lamb. Likewise from Christian tradition, Jesus (not the criminal Barabbas) was executed - the good guy, not the bad guy. God always seems to pick the flawed ones to do that Divine work. How that got turned around into working to cannonize saints, I don't know!
Transformation is reverse logic - we need to let in our faults and defects, embrace them in order not only to heal them but to realize how similar we are to others of our kind. Letting them in and accepting my faults releases a flood of compassion for others that I could otherwise never access. And when that is accompanied by killing off the parts of me of which I am most enamoured - my best stuff - I find I am no longer competing with God or trying to play the godly role. I can finally step aside and let the true goodness flow through me.
Once again I come to the conclusion that human logic is not Divine logic - But I hope I am beginning to catch on.
Think of it this way. Those desirable parts of our personalities, the ones we think are good, actually get in the way of letting in the divine goodness - or perhaps more accurately, letting it out. Furthermore those same characteristics might serve to make us think better of ourselves than we should - hey I am proud of my charitable works, it is what I am supposed to do. But look at our scriptural heritage: From Judaic tradition prior to Passover the family was to select the purest lamb from the flock and bring it in to the house. There it lived as one of the family for four days, while the kids played with it, fell in love with it, named it and cuddled it at night. Then after the fourth day, it was slaughtered! Not some nasty old goat - the cute, pure innocent lamb. Likewise from Christian tradition, Jesus (not the criminal Barabbas) was executed - the good guy, not the bad guy. God always seems to pick the flawed ones to do that Divine work. How that got turned around into working to cannonize saints, I don't know!
Transformation is reverse logic - we need to let in our faults and defects, embrace them in order not only to heal them but to realize how similar we are to others of our kind. Letting them in and accepting my faults releases a flood of compassion for others that I could otherwise never access. And when that is accompanied by killing off the parts of me of which I am most enamoured - my best stuff - I find I am no longer competing with God or trying to play the godly role. I can finally step aside and let the true goodness flow through me.
Once again I come to the conclusion that human logic is not Divine logic - But I hope I am beginning to catch on.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
For Once - Ya Done Good
From the Boston Globe: "The Massachusetts Senate today passed a bill that would repeal a 1913 state law that prevents gay and lesbian couples from most other states from marrying in Massachusetts. The law originated when lawmakers in many states were trying to prevent interracial couples from crossing state lines to marry. "
"The bill now heads to the House, where it is expected to pass and be signed by Governor Deval Patrick by the end of the month. "If that bill comes to me, I will sign it and sign it proudly," Patrick said Monday."
Commentary: I hate labels: Tall man, old man, gay man, handicapped man, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, fat, white, black, chink, gook... the list is endless. One of our most common tendencies is to out-group - define who we are by saying who the "other" is. It is a function of our ego's need to differentiate self from other. But that is dead opposite from every sacred principle in nearly every practice I am familiar with. In all of the great faiths, the mandate is not simply to accept the "other" but to reach out and bring in, welcome, and embrace. I remember reading a National Geographic photographer describing what it was like to come across a tribe of Bedouin. He said something like, while I was still far off I saw them coming out to welcome me, with bread and oil and wine in their hands. And wasn't that the reaction of the father in the story of the Prodigal Son, wasn't that what Abram did for the strangers, and so too wasn't that the welcome Muhammad got when fleeing from his city.
So my take on the issue is that if I (we) believe that god or a bit of god is in each of us then when "two or more are gathered" or come together, there is more of god's presence present. And if our goal is to have a conscious connection with god, then that is good. Contrarily, anything that separates us from god is wrong/sinful. Thus keeping others out, rejecting others, other-ing and labeling "them" is also a sin. I don't care who you are. I don't care where you have been. I don't care how you see things - even my brother-in-law who is a radical republican right winger - is welcome at my door. And, no, I (we - that is me and my family) will not try to make you the same as me/us. I will welcome your differentness as part of our greater humanity, and rejoice in your differences as part of the godly whole.
And today, I am proud that the state that I live in and the politicians with whom I have so many differences of opinion, today my state moved a little closer to being whole, and human and embracing. There is a god!
"The bill now heads to the House, where it is expected to pass and be signed by Governor Deval Patrick by the end of the month. "If that bill comes to me, I will sign it and sign it proudly," Patrick said Monday."
Commentary: I hate labels: Tall man, old man, gay man, handicapped man, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, fat, white, black, chink, gook... the list is endless. One of our most common tendencies is to out-group - define who we are by saying who the "other" is. It is a function of our ego's need to differentiate self from other. But that is dead opposite from every sacred principle in nearly every practice I am familiar with. In all of the great faiths, the mandate is not simply to accept the "other" but to reach out and bring in, welcome, and embrace. I remember reading a National Geographic photographer describing what it was like to come across a tribe of Bedouin. He said something like, while I was still far off I saw them coming out to welcome me, with bread and oil and wine in their hands. And wasn't that the reaction of the father in the story of the Prodigal Son, wasn't that what Abram did for the strangers, and so too wasn't that the welcome Muhammad got when fleeing from his city.
So my take on the issue is that if I (we) believe that god or a bit of god is in each of us then when "two or more are gathered" or come together, there is more of god's presence present. And if our goal is to have a conscious connection with god, then that is good. Contrarily, anything that separates us from god is wrong/sinful. Thus keeping others out, rejecting others, other-ing and labeling "them" is also a sin. I don't care who you are. I don't care where you have been. I don't care how you see things - even my brother-in-law who is a radical republican right winger - is welcome at my door. And, no, I (we - that is me and my family) will not try to make you the same as me/us. I will welcome your differentness as part of our greater humanity, and rejoice in your differences as part of the godly whole.
And today, I am proud that the state that I live in and the politicians with whom I have so many differences of opinion, today my state moved a little closer to being whole, and human and embracing. There is a god!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Purposeful Pain
It has been said that in order to have faith you first must encounter a situation big enough and disorienting enough to require that you find it. Likewise there are certain thoughts and awarenesses you get to that can only be arrived at as a result of passing through a significantly large enough disruption of your current way of thinking. Translate that disruption into pain, because the ego/mind likes its way and resists - tooth and nail - anything that disrupts its current course of action or thought pattern.
I have begun looking at pain - physical and mental - as a portal to insights. In fact for a few years now those who know me have heard me say that I got my disability in my left leg because I was not in dialogue with my pain. I had internalized coaching from my earlier years ("no pain no gain" "pain is weakness leaving the body" - yea, I liked that one too!) so that when I felt the pains in my leg and lower back I just pushed harder. Now that that is no longer an option, courtesy of a severed nerve, I must listen - and deal with it.
But least you think I am just talking about physical pain (which is just a convenient metaphor for the real stuff) what I am referring to is the kind of pain that we call mental anguish or what Carolyn Myss calls "spiritual madness." This is the place where due to the assertions of my conscious mind, I seem to have lost contact with god. (just to note: god never loses contact with me - it is when I lave lost the connection) In those dark nights of doubt and skepticism I must turn to what I see most missing - faith, trust and an unquestionable constancy. The paradox of this type of learning is that what I miss most is that which I am called on to provide (otherwise I might not be missing it). Have you ever been in one of those meetings where you just know the truth is not being spoken - but somehow you are the only one seeing it?? It thus falls to you to speak that truth. Well it is the same way here. When I am sorely missing my faith, I must call on it; when I hear no voice of god I must trust on it; when I doubt my own leadership I must speak it out loud and step forward and lead. It is backward and counterintuitive, but is the way god and the universe teach. And pain? Well that is the beacon light of learning - pain signals big things a-coming!! Bring it on!
I have begun looking at pain - physical and mental - as a portal to insights. In fact for a few years now those who know me have heard me say that I got my disability in my left leg because I was not in dialogue with my pain. I had internalized coaching from my earlier years ("no pain no gain" "pain is weakness leaving the body" - yea, I liked that one too!) so that when I felt the pains in my leg and lower back I just pushed harder. Now that that is no longer an option, courtesy of a severed nerve, I must listen - and deal with it.
But least you think I am just talking about physical pain (which is just a convenient metaphor for the real stuff) what I am referring to is the kind of pain that we call mental anguish or what Carolyn Myss calls "spiritual madness." This is the place where due to the assertions of my conscious mind, I seem to have lost contact with god. (just to note: god never loses contact with me - it is when I lave lost the connection) In those dark nights of doubt and skepticism I must turn to what I see most missing - faith, trust and an unquestionable constancy. The paradox of this type of learning is that what I miss most is that which I am called on to provide (otherwise I might not be missing it). Have you ever been in one of those meetings where you just know the truth is not being spoken - but somehow you are the only one seeing it?? It thus falls to you to speak that truth. Well it is the same way here. When I am sorely missing my faith, I must call on it; when I hear no voice of god I must trust on it; when I doubt my own leadership I must speak it out loud and step forward and lead. It is backward and counterintuitive, but is the way god and the universe teach. And pain? Well that is the beacon light of learning - pain signals big things a-coming!! Bring it on!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
God's Humor
When my girls were young our favorite movie was Watership Down which begins with the tale of El-ahrairah (the prince of all rabbits). El-ahrairah was clever and tried to trick god but got caught and ran to hide. But god sought him out and asked him to come out so that he might bless El-ahrairah. The rabbit prince, whose head was half-way down a hole said, "if you want to bless me, then bless my bottom." Which is why the rabbit to this day has a beautiful white tail and strong back legs.
Rewind the tape some 3000 years, to the time of Moses. Moses it seems wanted to see God - after all he had been employed by this Deity for some time now - it only seemed fair. But YHWH was not to be had like any simple relationship and told Moses that he would pass by but would shield him from seeing his Divine "killer" face. However god was not totally unreasonable, and allowed that Moses could see his back side. (Though the Oxford translation simply says "his back") I actually think this is emblematic of the humor the Divine one operates with - I mean, really, god was greatly responsible for creating me and that has been a hoot! So Moses, the ultimate leader (who by the way is a stutterer, and, less we forget, a convicted killer), is permitted to see the Promised Land but not actually to get there, and in the scene in Exodus 33:23, is permitted to see god but gets mooned in the process! Moses never says what he saw, but I wonder if God was wearing a big fluffy white tail or what.
My God just cracks me up!
Rewind the tape some 3000 years, to the time of Moses. Moses it seems wanted to see God - after all he had been employed by this Deity for some time now - it only seemed fair. But YHWH was not to be had like any simple relationship and told Moses that he would pass by but would shield him from seeing his Divine "killer" face. However god was not totally unreasonable, and allowed that Moses could see his back side. (Though the Oxford translation simply says "his back") I actually think this is emblematic of the humor the Divine one operates with - I mean, really, god was greatly responsible for creating me and that has been a hoot! So Moses, the ultimate leader (who by the way is a stutterer, and, less we forget, a convicted killer), is permitted to see the Promised Land but not actually to get there, and in the scene in Exodus 33:23, is permitted to see god but gets mooned in the process! Moses never says what he saw, but I wonder if God was wearing a big fluffy white tail or what.
My God just cracks me up!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Insomnia
It's 3:37AM as I begin to write this. I have been waking up in the middle of the night lately and not being able to get back to sleep. I don't know if this is an aging thing or stress related or what, but it is rather annoying, not to mention the negative effects on the following day's productivity!
I have found a website that lists 41 remedies for insomnia and note with some frustration that I have tried at least 27 of them tonight alone. Surely I can't be the only person who wakes up and can't get back to sleep. I try prayer, meditation, muscle flexing/relaxing, deep breathing, peaceful images, (no sheep-counting though) and a variety of pre-bedtime rituals. It is possible to abuse enough ibuprophen to be asleep all night but I fear the hit my liver will take from that.
So this is the most recent therapy: writing. Though right now I feel more awake than when I sat down. I think th eidea is to stop thinking not do more of it. I'd go for a long walk around the neighborhood but fear the local constables wouldn't like red and white palm tree pajama shorts, so maybe it's best to just lay there in bed and relax - sleep or no sleep.
I have found a website that lists 41 remedies for insomnia and note with some frustration that I have tried at least 27 of them tonight alone. Surely I can't be the only person who wakes up and can't get back to sleep. I try prayer, meditation, muscle flexing/relaxing, deep breathing, peaceful images, (no sheep-counting though) and a variety of pre-bedtime rituals. It is possible to abuse enough ibuprophen to be asleep all night but I fear the hit my liver will take from that.
So this is the most recent therapy: writing. Though right now I feel more awake than when I sat down. I think th eidea is to stop thinking not do more of it. I'd go for a long walk around the neighborhood but fear the local constables wouldn't like red and white palm tree pajama shorts, so maybe it's best to just lay there in bed and relax - sleep or no sleep.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Downright Dirt Dumb
One of the 60th year goals I set was to earn a color belt in TKD (in which my 10 year old son is a First Degree Black Belt). Tonight we sparred and it has been QUITE a long time since I did anything in competition against another human. Add to that the fact that as one of the few adults in the class I had to spar against a couple of third degrees and a fourth degree BB.
Now did I say I was like dirt stupid? Oh yea the title. Well I jumped right in like I was 30something and I am not.
Men are like that. Ow.
Now did I say I was like dirt stupid? Oh yea the title. Well I jumped right in like I was 30something and I am not.
Men are like that. Ow.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wine Tasting
A friend of ours is having a hand fasting (not really a full fast - their hands are going to drink water or something) this weekend. We thought we would buy the wine. So I have a new mission in life - beyond the spiritual one - only still dealing with the spirit. I have to select the best (of the least expensive) wines we can bring. Believe me we aren't wealthy so price and flavor are both a major factor.
Now before we go getting all fancy schmancy let me qualify the discussion. Rule one I learned years ago was if you find a wine you like, stick to it. So after years of consuming one particular label and vintner (my fav) I finally found myself in the valley at their winery and decided to taste their premium wine. Same grape, just top of the heap. So tasting this grape (whose signature flavor I could ID in a line up blindfolded) I asked the steward what the difference was between it and the $20 bottle I usually bought. He explained. I did not understand. I smiled broadly. It tasted not a bit different from my favorite despite the $125 price tag. I learned that day that I had a marginally discriminate palate - cheap drunk, my wife calls it.
So tonight I have three Cabernet's and an Argentine Merlot. Sip after sip I am doing my best to find the best $4 bottle I can buy a whole bunch of. The only problem is that now I forget which one is which. I know I think I liked this one but then again this other one has a subtle undertone of berry, but, no that was that one, or was it.
Hic. Better stop, tomorrow's a work day!
Now before we go getting all fancy schmancy let me qualify the discussion. Rule one I learned years ago was if you find a wine you like, stick to it. So after years of consuming one particular label and vintner (my fav) I finally found myself in the valley at their winery and decided to taste their premium wine. Same grape, just top of the heap. So tasting this grape (whose signature flavor I could ID in a line up blindfolded) I asked the steward what the difference was between it and the $20 bottle I usually bought. He explained. I did not understand. I smiled broadly. It tasted not a bit different from my favorite despite the $125 price tag. I learned that day that I had a marginally discriminate palate - cheap drunk, my wife calls it.
So tonight I have three Cabernet's and an Argentine Merlot. Sip after sip I am doing my best to find the best $4 bottle I can buy a whole bunch of. The only problem is that now I forget which one is which. I know I think I liked this one but then again this other one has a subtle undertone of berry, but, no that was that one, or was it.
Hic. Better stop, tomorrow's a work day!
Monday, June 16, 2008
How Old Are You?
Having just turned 59, I got this crazy thought in my head that I might like to set some goals for the coming year - my sixtieth year on this planet. Some are sane goals like I want to have something published within the year (I am currently working on three different fronts at once) and I want to be able to jog/walk a 5K fun race like the Feaster Five in Andover.
Let me explain. Several years ago I had a goal of running a marathon and when I hit 48, it occurred to me that I was getting no younger. So I set out to do it and with the help of some great coaches at Dana Farber, I completed not one but two for them as a charity runner. I figured that was enough but when my 9-month old son had cranial surgery at Children's Hospital, I was so impressed and grateful that I decided to run one more for charity.
That did me in and severely blew a disc in my back and partially severed the nerve sending signals to my left calf (are you following this?). As a result I now have an atrophied left calf and weeble when I walk - no more running.
So I decided to go out for TaeKwonDo (I go twice a week anyway to support my son - why not get a workout?). So here I am a 59 year old white belt hanging out in a room full of black belts and trying to fit in (ego is a nasty thing). Honestly I cannot help myself, nor can I stop myself. I keep thinking I am 29 not 59 and best as I can tell there is a difference.
Let me explain. Several years ago I had a goal of running a marathon and when I hit 48, it occurred to me that I was getting no younger. So I set out to do it and with the help of some great coaches at Dana Farber, I completed not one but two for them as a charity runner. I figured that was enough but when my 9-month old son had cranial surgery at Children's Hospital, I was so impressed and grateful that I decided to run one more for charity.
That did me in and severely blew a disc in my back and partially severed the nerve sending signals to my left calf (are you following this?). As a result I now have an atrophied left calf and weeble when I walk - no more running.
So I decided to go out for TaeKwonDo (I go twice a week anyway to support my son - why not get a workout?). So here I am a 59 year old white belt hanging out in a room full of black belts and trying to fit in (ego is a nasty thing). Honestly I cannot help myself, nor can I stop myself. I keep thinking I am 29 not 59 and best as I can tell there is a difference.
Back in the Saddle
Well I have been out of pocket for some time tryinng to figure out what to say and do in this space. Many of my old postings had been written as an expression of creative writing - and often a tad lengthy. I do not know what works in the blogosphere but am here to find out.
Like everything I experience, life is not in the knowing but in living into the not knowing. Faith, says Carolyn Myss, is a by-rpoduct of living: "in order to have faith, you have to have a challenge that requires you find it." I think that is so true for everything.
I have a friend who is about to give up on his relationship with a magnificent woman, because, as he puts it, he is not ready, and he does not know who he really is. I told him today that, unfortunately, you only find out the end of the story on the last page and then it is too late to have a relationship, because the last sentence on that page is "you die." Life is the process of figuring things out one event at a time and relationship is what happens when two people try to do that while living into the answers together.
I love the messy unpredictable part of life - Rumi would call it succulent and juicy! He's right.
Like everything I experience, life is not in the knowing but in living into the not knowing. Faith, says Carolyn Myss, is a by-rpoduct of living: "in order to have faith, you have to have a challenge that requires you find it." I think that is so true for everything.
I have a friend who is about to give up on his relationship with a magnificent woman, because, as he puts it, he is not ready, and he does not know who he really is. I told him today that, unfortunately, you only find out the end of the story on the last page and then it is too late to have a relationship, because the last sentence on that page is "you die." Life is the process of figuring things out one event at a time and relationship is what happens when two people try to do that while living into the answers together.
I love the messy unpredictable part of life - Rumi would call it succulent and juicy! He's right.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Transformaion and Easter
Transformation is a sticky topic no mater what realm you happen to be dealing with - leadership, personal growth or spiritual. By its very nature and definition, transformation engages one at an entirely different and deeper level. But more important than that, transformation involves the most elemental of living processes - the death/rebirth cycle. The old way of being, when it no longer works to handle the newer challenges, must die to make room for the new/next way of understanding. It is as basic a process as spring and conception. Just as the seed dies to give birth to the shoot, so must a part of our being die to give birth to the next level of our functioning.
But that means pain, sometimes real, intense pain - not just your run of the mill old headache - gut-wrenching, breast-beating, up-chucking pain. And that is a problem for many of the people I deal with in my day job. I might be so bold as to say that is a problem with our culture. The general popular reaction to pain is to ask, "Isn't there a pill I can take for that?" "Ask your doctor if Xantac, or Prozac or (fill in the blank) is right for you." Since the advent of the information age, we have cultivated a culture wherein patients can research symptoms and drugs and go in to their doctor's office deeply informed (unfortunately about what they think they see or need) and "suggest" a recommended treatment. But often that course of action is not to listen to the pain - let your body speak its wisdom - it involves ignoring or squashing the feeling.
Transferring that same discussion to the experience of transformation, we get requests regularly from both companies and their employees and leaders to speed up the transition. "Instant Karma gonna get you, gonna hit you in the face, better get yourself together darlin', join the human race." (O Johnny-boy I miss you!) I can't say that I ever heard someone request a coach who would lead them into and through their pain point! Life isn't that way! But transformation is. Transformation is like an Easter experience.
Prior to Good Friday/Easter things were looking good. Hey, hanging out with the Messiah must have been great! Sure there was the danger of arousing suspicion from the centurions or the government officials, but this guy seemed to have some special charm. And then, WHAM, the whole thing came tumbling down, and in rapid fashion, too. And what is worse, the charmed one was executed - killed! Dead! Gone! I cannot imagine the fear and pain his followers must have felt. But in that darkest hour, the transformation of their beliefs began. It's like that!
Transformation does not happen without death and pain and aloneness. The old MUST die in order to make way for the new. The problem for us seekers however is that we don't go around seeking those painful experiences. Rather, we seem to want to know more about that which we already know. It is a rare person who walks down the street thinking "what is it that I don't know, that if I was aware of would make me pass blood through my pores, that I need to take on?" Transformation does not come from the inside. It comes upon us like the tsunami, like an earthquake, without prediction, without warning and often in the middle of the night. I don' think for a moment that Peter really thought that Jesus was talking about anything real (it must have been metaphor) when he said "you will deny me, three times."
But that means pain, sometimes real, intense pain - not just your run of the mill old headache - gut-wrenching, breast-beating, up-chucking pain. And that is a problem for many of the people I deal with in my day job. I might be so bold as to say that is a problem with our culture. The general popular reaction to pain is to ask, "Isn't there a pill I can take for that?" "Ask your doctor if Xantac, or Prozac or (fill in the blank) is right for you." Since the advent of the information age, we have cultivated a culture wherein patients can research symptoms and drugs and go in to their doctor's office deeply informed (unfortunately about what they think they see or need) and "suggest" a recommended treatment. But often that course of action is not to listen to the pain - let your body speak its wisdom - it involves ignoring or squashing the feeling.
Transferring that same discussion to the experience of transformation, we get requests regularly from both companies and their employees and leaders to speed up the transition. "Instant Karma gonna get you, gonna hit you in the face, better get yourself together darlin', join the human race." (O Johnny-boy I miss you!) I can't say that I ever heard someone request a coach who would lead them into and through their pain point! Life isn't that way! But transformation is. Transformation is like an Easter experience.
Prior to Good Friday/Easter things were looking good. Hey, hanging out with the Messiah must have been great! Sure there was the danger of arousing suspicion from the centurions or the government officials, but this guy seemed to have some special charm. And then, WHAM, the whole thing came tumbling down, and in rapid fashion, too. And what is worse, the charmed one was executed - killed! Dead! Gone! I cannot imagine the fear and pain his followers must have felt. But in that darkest hour, the transformation of their beliefs began. It's like that!
Transformation does not happen without death and pain and aloneness. The old MUST die in order to make way for the new. The problem for us seekers however is that we don't go around seeking those painful experiences. Rather, we seem to want to know more about that which we already know. It is a rare person who walks down the street thinking "what is it that I don't know, that if I was aware of would make me pass blood through my pores, that I need to take on?" Transformation does not come from the inside. It comes upon us like the tsunami, like an earthquake, without prediction, without warning and often in the middle of the night. I don' think for a moment that Peter really thought that Jesus was talking about anything real (it must have been metaphor) when he said "you will deny me, three times."
But transformation has a nasty habit of being more than real - to be stark and harsh. It is in our faces. Like the crucifixion. Like the feedback I recently got about my win rate in coaching "bake-off's" (oh did I mention that the numbers suck?) So isn't it just perfect that in this season of transformation I am faced with a bit of pain that just might be the impetus for my next transformation. I must, I will stick my face into it.
I will feel the pain. And let it speak to me. I will...
say tuned, this might not be pretty
Friday, March 14, 2008
Another one bites the bust
The other night I met with my men's group and the obvious topic was Mr Spitzer's fall from favor. But the discussion quickly veered away from prostitution (as well it should have) since prostitution was not the issue! Prostitution is as old as sex itself and like alcohol, its prohibition only serves to drive up prices and proliferate its use. No. Prostitution is a symptom of a societal and human ill, and Elliott Spitzer is only a symbolic representation of how we want to pretend this disease is someone else's problem. If I/we can focus on him (as he apparently focused on others) and the speck of dust in his eye, then perhaps wee can somehow ignore the log lodged in our own.
But what is the problem? is it simply the greed of wanting more than the other guy has? Or is it the deep spiritual vacuum we have created in "modernizing" our life that allows us to live under the pretense that an Afghan or Iraqi or Mestizo or a woman or a gay are not as human as ourselves. It appears as though we would believe that others are just so much livestock inhabiting the planet without which we all would somehow be much better off.
Nonsense. When I talked with the border crossers, whose drive to feed their children was so deeply rooted that they had no other choice, when I saw the fear in the eyes of the border guard telling us of having to go into situations without "backup", when I played with the kid on the other side of the wall, I felt their humanity - no, read that more like I felt their souls.
What allows a Spitzer to lie to his wife and his constituents? Not his lack of soul but his denial of theirs. What makes us think that putting up a wall or banning a practice will alter the inequities already present in every fiber of the fabric of society; it's our thought that we can legislate problems away because we don't see the souls and faces of the people involved.
Years ago I dreamed of starting a business practice and calling it the Rehumanization Project. I am more convinced today that that is what we need. We (and I do not exclude myself from the masses) have lost our humanity, we have lost our souls, and we need desperately to find them again. Perhaps we should thank Mr Spitzer for the stark reminder that we are all suffering this disease.
But what is the problem? is it simply the greed of wanting more than the other guy has? Or is it the deep spiritual vacuum we have created in "modernizing" our life that allows us to live under the pretense that an Afghan or Iraqi or Mestizo or a woman or a gay are not as human as ourselves. It appears as though we would believe that others are just so much livestock inhabiting the planet without which we all would somehow be much better off.
Nonsense. When I talked with the border crossers, whose drive to feed their children was so deeply rooted that they had no other choice, when I saw the fear in the eyes of the border guard telling us of having to go into situations without "backup", when I played with the kid on the other side of the wall, I felt their humanity - no, read that more like I felt their souls.
What allows a Spitzer to lie to his wife and his constituents? Not his lack of soul but his denial of theirs. What makes us think that putting up a wall or banning a practice will alter the inequities already present in every fiber of the fabric of society; it's our thought that we can legislate problems away because we don't see the souls and faces of the people involved.
Years ago I dreamed of starting a business practice and calling it the Rehumanization Project. I am more convinced today that that is what we need. We (and I do not exclude myself from the masses) have lost our humanity, we have lost our souls, and we need desperately to find them again. Perhaps we should thank Mr Spitzer for the stark reminder that we are all suffering this disease.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Weigh In
I have to admit that I have waffled on this presidential election campaign more than any ever before. In my younger years there was either only one logical (from my perspective) candidate or none! The last time I got drunk was when George Bush, the II was elected (I couldn't even do that upon his re-election as alcohol does not mix well with depression). But for this one, I have to admit I struggled with two and was mildly interested that the Republikan party even had people of some character, despite not agreeing with their platform.
I have always been swayed by strong articulate women, and Mrs. Clinton is certainly that. She is brilliant, articulate and deeply knowledgeable. On most of her stands I seem to agree (a very difficult thing to admit for an aging leftist, ex-hippie). Her years of experience and campaign work while the First Woman (Lady?) is strong. But then there was that debate back in January where she was downright vicious and catty, and I waffled.
Mr Obama, on the other side, is slick and articulate. His way with words and poise in front of a crowd is beyond critique. His politic of change is refreshing and the media campaign behind him is seductive (did you watch the YouTube video of "Yes We Can?") and I was seduced - to say nothing about the fact that here is a contest between a woman and a man-of-color; two firsts at this level.
I even was reveling in the fact that Mr. McCain had character, was from the borderlands and had a somewhat thought out border policy. Then this week happened and the veil was lifted.
Someone threw a mudball and smacked John McCain and, I don't care if it is truth of fiction, exposed me to the realities of political campaigning in this country. Politics in the US is all about positioning and image - not substance and character. How good can you look? How many babies can you shag a photo-op with? Are you seen in church with your spouse looking contrite and pious? And if you are really good, can you surreptitiously smear, discredit or cause a shadow of doubt to fall over your opponent? I suppose I should give someone in Huckabee's camp credit for the mudball. Who cares?
And wen the veil was lifted, I had heard the promise of change (so sincerely spoken, yes indeed) spoken one too many times without the backup. Do you notice that answers are seldom, "this is what I have done about that, and you can take it to the bank that I will continue" but rather another promise of hypothetical results-orientation? Sorry, Mr. Obama, I want to believe, but I am too disheartened by history. Thanks Mr. McCain for giving us some substance beyond rhetoric, pork-barrel positioning and thinly-veiled economics that lines the pockets of the wealthy.
And when the dust settles, Mrs. Clinton is still standing. Standing not because I am seduced by powerful and brilliant women, but of her own and on her own - Bill be damned! I want to hate her because she didn't dump the philanderer for what he and so many of us arrogant masculinist bastards have done. She stood firm, and took the high road that I didn't even see. She is still standing, despite going on the attack against her opponent. And she is still standing on her record of tireless work that she has done.
I like Barack Obama, He seems to be a good man, but it is time for a change; he's right! It is time that we seek a leader who does unpopular things out of commitment and convictions, not because they look good. The groundswell of popularity that Obabm has enjoyed in recent weeks opened my eyes - we Amerikans love our look-good politicians - sorry.
I am weighing in. And the truth is that in the primaries I voted for Obama. Okay. I was falling for it. I cannot remember a time when I actually respected a candidate or political official. And I respect him. ButI think I am coming to respect Hillary Clinton even more.
I have always been swayed by strong articulate women, and Mrs. Clinton is certainly that. She is brilliant, articulate and deeply knowledgeable. On most of her stands I seem to agree (a very difficult thing to admit for an aging leftist, ex-hippie). Her years of experience and campaign work while the First Woman (Lady?) is strong. But then there was that debate back in January where she was downright vicious and catty, and I waffled.
Mr Obama, on the other side, is slick and articulate. His way with words and poise in front of a crowd is beyond critique. His politic of change is refreshing and the media campaign behind him is seductive (did you watch the YouTube video of "Yes We Can?") and I was seduced - to say nothing about the fact that here is a contest between a woman and a man-of-color; two firsts at this level.
I even was reveling in the fact that Mr. McCain had character, was from the borderlands and had a somewhat thought out border policy. Then this week happened and the veil was lifted.
Someone threw a mudball and smacked John McCain and, I don't care if it is truth of fiction, exposed me to the realities of political campaigning in this country. Politics in the US is all about positioning and image - not substance and character. How good can you look? How many babies can you shag a photo-op with? Are you seen in church with your spouse looking contrite and pious? And if you are really good, can you surreptitiously smear, discredit or cause a shadow of doubt to fall over your opponent? I suppose I should give someone in Huckabee's camp credit for the mudball. Who cares?
And wen the veil was lifted, I had heard the promise of change (so sincerely spoken, yes indeed) spoken one too many times without the backup. Do you notice that answers are seldom, "this is what I have done about that, and you can take it to the bank that I will continue" but rather another promise of hypothetical results-orientation? Sorry, Mr. Obama, I want to believe, but I am too disheartened by history. Thanks Mr. McCain for giving us some substance beyond rhetoric, pork-barrel positioning and thinly-veiled economics that lines the pockets of the wealthy.
And when the dust settles, Mrs. Clinton is still standing. Standing not because I am seduced by powerful and brilliant women, but of her own and on her own - Bill be damned! I want to hate her because she didn't dump the philanderer for what he and so many of us arrogant masculinist bastards have done. She stood firm, and took the high road that I didn't even see. She is still standing, despite going on the attack against her opponent. And she is still standing on her record of tireless work that she has done.
I like Barack Obama, He seems to be a good man, but it is time for a change; he's right! It is time that we seek a leader who does unpopular things out of commitment and convictions, not because they look good. The groundswell of popularity that Obabm has enjoyed in recent weeks opened my eyes - we Amerikans love our look-good politicians - sorry.
I am weighing in. And the truth is that in the primaries I voted for Obama. Okay. I was falling for it. I cannot remember a time when I actually respected a candidate or political official. And I respect him. ButI think I am coming to respect Hillary Clinton even more.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Nine Year Old Minds
So I have a 9-ear old boy - it's like having a perpetually renewing edition of Calvin and Hobbes as a live-in guest (nobody in their right mind would actually sign up for this). Jesse and I have just finished our evening ritual of reading before lights out and the book we concluded tonight was entitles Beetles, Lightly Toasted - a little midwestern ditty about a bunch of fourth graders who are in a creative writing contest.
Andy, the protagonist, wins with an essay on how to enhance your diet and save on grocery bills by using beetles, grubs and worms in cooking, the title coming from his use of toasted beeltes in brownies as nuts. Jesse is enthralled and tomorrow we will no doubt be looking up recipes that we will try here at Chez Girrell. Oh yum! But far be it from me to stifle his creativity and investigative mind!
Now the only problem with all of this is that Jesse is certain that the only insects that are kosher are locusts and they are pretty rare around these parts in February. So we have to look further into some kosher websites to get clearance on grubs and beetles. (I might explain that another element of the joy of my life is that I am married to a Jew and therefore am bringing up our son in both traditions, the bulk of which right now is formal Hebrew schooling).
See it's a lot easier to be a Christian. First of all we have John the Baptist who ate that kind of stuff (but we all know he was a few bricks shy of a load anyway). But there was that dream that God tells the (oh heck who was it Peter or Paul who was about to have dinner the next day with the Roman centurian) writer to sit and eat all of these unclean things. So there it is right there in the good book for all to read, that you can eat lobster and bugs cuz God made 'em.
Then again maybe I'll convert to Judaism and limit my choices to fried locusts!
Andy, the protagonist, wins with an essay on how to enhance your diet and save on grocery bills by using beetles, grubs and worms in cooking, the title coming from his use of toasted beeltes in brownies as nuts. Jesse is enthralled and tomorrow we will no doubt be looking up recipes that we will try here at Chez Girrell. Oh yum! But far be it from me to stifle his creativity and investigative mind!
Now the only problem with all of this is that Jesse is certain that the only insects that are kosher are locusts and they are pretty rare around these parts in February. So we have to look further into some kosher websites to get clearance on grubs and beetles. (I might explain that another element of the joy of my life is that I am married to a Jew and therefore am bringing up our son in both traditions, the bulk of which right now is formal Hebrew schooling).
See it's a lot easier to be a Christian. First of all we have John the Baptist who ate that kind of stuff (but we all know he was a few bricks shy of a load anyway). But there was that dream that God tells the (oh heck who was it Peter or Paul who was about to have dinner the next day with the Roman centurian) writer to sit and eat all of these unclean things. So there it is right there in the good book for all to read, that you can eat lobster and bugs cuz God made 'em.
Then again maybe I'll convert to Judaism and limit my choices to fried locusts!
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