Ego versus Soul

I am doing some work these days on knowing the difference between the voices of ego and soul. I envisioned a great battle set in the days of the Romans in a sun-drenched coliseum. At one end of the open arena stands the gladiator Egous Pontificus. His armor gleams in the noonday sun. Huge well-trained muscles bulging out from under the chain mail. Sweat glistens on his face and arms, steeled and ready for the battle. And entering from the other end of the arena comes his opponent, Souleus Minimus, an elderly and diminutive man clad only in a loincloth. He walks slowly, his bare feet barely making an imprint on the sandy floor of the arena. 

Ego arches back and lets out a bellowing laugh at the sight. Who set up this fight in the first place? It is hardly worth the warm up. "Ha Ha, Oh frail one, you come here to do battle with me?" he roars.  The old man says nothing but continues walking slowly forward. "Very well. A battle to the death it shall be," roars the giant gladiator. "But as I am feeling gracious today, you may choose the terms of the battle and the weapons and I swear to obey the terms."

At this the old man stopped in his tracks and stood silently thinking for a moment.  Then he slowly sat down in the sand crossing his legs in a lotus position. “Most gracious of you, my fine adversary. Have a seat. I choose a duel to the death by starvation!”

Ah yes my mighty ego thinks it is so powerful and strong, but it has no real power and not the least bit of endurance in the real tests of worth.  Soul never asserts itself, but just is. Pure power in its powerlessness. Certainly ego serves its purpose in ensuring that I accomplish what I have committed to.  But by far the power I am growing to love and embrace is the humility of the soul.

Spiritual Practices

Today I had a great conversation with a spiritual companion for my class on spiritual practices.  Our basic question was what constitutes a spiritual practice? We each use a different one; she using labyrinth walking and I practice lectio divina. We were noticing that when not followed with regularity neither held nearly the power as when engaged in on a regular (daily) basis. It's like conditioning, I said, if I don't exercise on a daily basis, the fitness factor is reduced and the pain quotient is immensely higher.

So the question to ponder is, can any discipline be a spiritual practice? We considered the following: herbalism, wildcrafting herbs, sweat lodge (building and using), and then drifted into hunting - like deer hunting, tending animals, talking to wild animals, well a lot of different ideas.  And the bottom line was it was more the way in which one engages in the discipline more than the actual discipline.

So what actually makes for a spiritual practice we concluded was:
1. It must be done with consistency and regularity
2.  It must be entered into prayerfully, meaning taking the time to center your mind and being and becoming open to the lesson or awareness to be presented.
3.  It must be an activity that requires or calls up mindfulness (weight lifting or walking or doing the dishes can all be done with a high degree of mindfulness whereas sleeping can't).
4.  The activity and the associated mindfulness must be reflected on to look for the lesson of the day/moment.
5.  One must then capture, write about or reflect on that lesson.
6.  Finally, the lesson needs to be brought into the world whether by living that lesson or by engaging with another person on the lesson and its meaning.

I recently watched the new Jackie Chan version of The Karate Kid where Jackie tells a young Jadaen Smith that "Kung fu is in everything." Well in much the same way, spiritual practice is in everything. Try it out with anything you do and let me know if it works.

Divine Intervention

In one week my son will become a bar mitzvah – quite an important and unique occurrance in an interfaith marriage and I was not quite sure how I was to prepare myself to be fully present at this special event. But for the past three days I have been providing testing and career counseling to a small segment of the third generation members of a very large orthodox Jewish family business. I met with young adults with names like Shmuel, and Sorah, Reuven and Rivka; Chaim and Chana; young people who were on their way to a year in Israel or having recently completed their first, second or even fourth year studying and learning there. To a person they were bright and clear-eyed and filled with a profound spirituality. It was truly impressive – and I was deeply moved by not only the spirituality of their religious life, but by the open and effusive love they afforded each other.

We spoke openly about having been called to religious life by G-d (in respect to their tradition of not naming the Almighty) and how to integrate that into their desire to serve through a career – whether in the family business or elsewhere. While the success of the family business made nearly anything a possibility (including choosing a life dedicated to the study of Torah), all of them voiced a strong sense of responsibility to be a contribution to their family, to the family businesses, and to society.


What once appeared to me as perhaps odd or on the fringes of life, transformed before me into a rich and wonderful world. My attitudes toward the customs of orthodoxy shifted from thinking of them as almost neurotic to a kind of respect and wonder. There are deep roots to each of the actions and, like all ritual practices, each added to the richness of the individual’s experience as he prayed or studied. Because I got a chance to become intimate with these young people (psychological testing is like looking into the core of a person’s being and is about as intimate as it gets), I became immersed in their world for the time I was there. And, as is my habit, I fell in love with a whole new segment of humanity.

Yea, love. Love has this accepting, unquestioning, and unconditional quality to it that changes the lover probably more than the person who is loved. And that is really how it feels. I came here to offer my skills and services, but I was the one who was changed, opened up and moved. Oh perhaps I did my job well and helped them out on their path, but in the process, I was the one who really moved. Isn’t that always the way the Divine works?

When the Convergence Hits the Fan

A friend of mine, Doug, is a transformational coach and lives at the very edge of his being. He is always pushing his own limits of growth and development. It is both exhilarating and something that will wake you up at 2AM in a cold sweat. Doug knows the developmental truth that you cannot get to the next level without passing through the eye of the needle – which is not fun and in essence means that you must experience the breakdown of your current way of being before you can break through to the next.

It is the age-old truth of the universe and of nature herself: the death/rebirth cycle. It is everywhere in nature. Winter is the grandest death with the rebirth of spring causing us all to jump up and cheer everything back to life. But you cannot get there in a straight line - it comes at you in bursts and in random fashion. And it’s what Doug lives on a daily basis.

Nature and life don’t handle things in tidy little packages, all lined up, one after the other. Sometimes they cascade over us, one and then another and then ten at once. Doug calls it “breakdown stacking!” It is a great concept. Especially if we become intentional about our growth and development. Breakdown stacking is that “bring it on” attitude that looks concurrent breakdowns squarely in the face and shouts, “yippee, another breakdown! I must be doing something right to have this much crap bubbling out!” What if we actually looked for our breakdowns – recognizing them as the equal and opposite reactions to our intention to live life at an even higher level? Now that would be stacking. Bring ‘em on!

On Gratitude

It does not take wizard level perception to notice that we just celebrated the high feast of gluttony and consumption. And by mocking it please know that I am not taking your inventory - but mine. We baked, we cooked, we uncorked wines and even smoked a very nice cigar outside in the waning afternoon sunlight - and yes we said "thanks" over a sumptuous meal with friends and family. It was wonderful and filling, and for it all I am grateful.

But I have been practicing a different level of spiritual awareness of late - one that looks to find faith when there is no reason to believe, and one that celebrates gratitude when there in nothing on the plate in front of me. And I must admit with chagrin that I find this discipline very difficult. I am privileged. I am gifted with abundance - affluence, really (on a world scale what would be called wealth). I am blessed with a life without pain or threat of daily violence. In short, I am not challenged.

How then can I claim to develop and advance my faith? How can I exercise true gratitude? Do I really want to pray for this all to be stripped away? (No freaking way!!) Do I really want to volunteer for the Job experience? (Hell no!) And yet, devoid of these litmus tests of faith and gratitude, I am but a clanging gong or a noisy cymbal.


I have been contemplating the idea of going on a fast - like a five day or seven day fast. But then even that occurs to me as a luxury that I enjoy. Like I can even "choose" to go on a fast, the hardest part of which is that I can choose to break it at any point. There are those who can choose neither - whether to fast (as it most often occurs with the regularity of a neighbors visit) or to end the fast (as if they even know when the next hunk of bread (forget about a meal) is going to come. So fasting just seems like some arrogant, elitist Uncle Tom-ism to me.

All I really want and pray for is to know my god more completely, to strip away all that stands between me and my maker and source. It is just a quest, my quest, and for all of the challenges in trying to fulfill that quest..
...I am most grateful.
Happy Gratitude Day

Spiritual Fitness (Yom Kippur)

My friend Peter and I have this running discussion on spiritual fitness. We got it in our heads that spirituality is something that either gets flabby or is exercised and is kept in shape - that in other words, we are not just gifted with spirituality, it doesn't just happen or just exist - it takes a certain discipline. So we started getting carried away with the discussion and the analogies of late. It seems to us that the fitness center is life itself - life, seen for what it really is and not through our illusions or denials. Life provides all of the stations of the universal gym of spirituality! Stick you face in that and go to town!

But then there are also spiritual exercises that in and of themselves tone up our spiritual fitness. (The discussion continued and spread through my friend Jeffrey.) These are literally physico-spiritual movements and positions - like yoga positions - that, in doing them, help tone and shape the spiritual muscles. And they come from every tradition: from yoga (when one surrenders to the position and no longer fights it) and the simple act of humbling oneself by getting on your knees; to various vipassana postures from Buddhism, the twirling of Sufi dance, and davening from the Jewish traditions. Each of these movements lifts us from our human and mundane experience and shapes and forms our spirituality. It is a workout routine with different stations!

But why bother? For me, I have no choice. Let me explain. I have a spinal injury that resulted in my left calf receiving no impulses and as a further result in atrophying that muscle. If I do not exercise daily, I am in pain by mid-afternoon. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the pain, but to me there is no choice. Spiritually, I am in the same place. I suppose I could choose not to exercise and have the hollow ache of lacking spirit or lacking the experience of god's presence in my life, but to me that is not a choice - ergo the only alternative is getting on my knees, stretching in the lotus, whirling in ecstasy, posturing in reverence, and rocking in prayerful experience at the east wall of the the life I see all around me.

The final element of Yom Kippur, Jeffrey tells me, is tachlit - the spiritual version of a hot soapy shower after weeks of hiking in the backwoods of Maine, or just that refreshing one after my exercising; letting the water wash away all of the sweat and smells of the spiritual workout! The whole thing is one big fitness routine. I get it! Now if you'll excuse me, the gym is calling - gotta go!