A little more than 20 years ago I was involved in a rather nasty set of events that resulted in my divorce. My ex, a wonderful woman, professional and mother eventually ended up building a life and relationship with another man. John was a farmer but so much more. Running an organic farm just a mile down the road from my refuge at the time, Karme Choling, I am certain John, too, was a frequenter of their halls in those days. He had a depth and a quiet spirit that I admired. He epitomized the salt of the earth and gave a stability and grace to the growing-up days of my two girls, who remained behind with their mom when I left.
I never really got to know him much because I only saw him at dance recitals, weddings and graduations. But to me his testimony and his legacy are evidenced in the exquisite women that my girls have grown into. Both have chosen great men, but especially my younger (three at the time of the divorce), who was most influenced by John, chose a strong, silent and peaceful man like him. I am certain that his fathering was a source of much of her understanding and choosing a mate. But John also loved and cared for their mom, most likely in ways I could not and did not. He was calm, and accepting, and seemed (from my vantage point) to never expect more of her than who she was. And when his body began to fail him, she hung in and cared for him in a way that he deserved.
John died this morning, leaving behind a world a little less stable for lacking the pillar that he was. Thank you, John. I wish I could have told you how very great I thought you were.
Friday, December 26, 2008
What's It All About, Alfie?
Reflections on Job and the Mystery of Suffering, by Richard Rohr
Though I barely remember the 60’s version of the Michael Cain film and did not bother with Jude Law’s newer/fresher Alfie, the “what’s-it-all-about” question has all the staying power of an old cigarette jingle, without any of the narcotic effects. It is an ancient and hauntingly human question that has no real answer. All of our “why’s” seeking some rational explanation to life, the universe and everything (short of Douglass Adam’s whimsical 42), inevitably fail to assuage the empty itch at the source of the questions. Why am I here? What is the purpose to my life? Why do bad things happen to seemingly good people?
Take, for example, Job – the ultimate Alfie questioner. Faced with what must have been years of insufferable pain and despair, Job keeps asking god, “Why?” “What is this all about?” “Did I do something to deserve this?” Job had lived a good and devout life and he felt that he had done nothing to deserve the pain, loss and despair that he now suffered. To make matters worse he is taunted by three of his (self-professed) friends, Moe, Larry and Curley, who try to convince him of his guilt and harangue him with mainline religious platitudes. No one from the mainstream will ever understand the journey of the dark night. It refuses to fit into logic and comfort.
But Job has to go on a trip of monumental spiritual proportions to get to the other side of his suffering. Through the process, Job seems to map out the emotional course that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described many thousands or years later – shock, anger, denial, bartering, and finally acceptance. And the cosmic lesson that Job (and all of us) must learn (though I pray not so harshly) is that there is no rationale to justify suffering as long as we are looking for it from a personal/human, ego-justification level. If we read Job thoroughly, we find that he pleads his case before god like a lawyer in court trying to make sense out of it from his (Job’s) ego-perspective. It is not until Job gives up trying to make it make sense and surrenders to god, that god actually concedes to talking to Job.
It seems that there are three deeply profound lessons that we must learn in the Job experience. First and foremost, as long as we are looking for understanding of events from our perspective – as if suffering, or joy (do we ever inspect that in the same way?) must have some deeper meaning – we are bound to come up empty handed. There is no meaning that exists outside of our own personal meaning making. Things and events have no intrinsic meaning. Nothing means anything until we make up a meaning. So Job’s attempt to find some cosmic meaning is fruitless because there is none to be found - and god knows this so he doesn’t even play the game. Furthermore, despite lacking meaning, Job wants to be justified – found innocent of any wrongdoing (the meaning he has ascribed to the source of suffering) – so that his ego can feel okay and virtuous. Again god refuses to even play the game of ego importance. God maintains a stonewall approach to these machinations of Job. But the third (really big) lesson is that not only is god in charge of the whole game, god and divine understanding is so beyond our human comprehension that to try and fix a human rationale to it or to apply some kind of right and wrong checks and balances to it is not only impossible it is downright illogical.
With a final sigh, Job gives up his attempts and instantly, god steps in and speaks – not in answer but in beautiful, powerful metaphor. Even then, when god speaks, he does not even address the questions of rationalization. In a sense, god says, “I am in charge and always have been. Just trust that and try not to figure it out!” It is the ultimate spiritual message – the message of the experience of Job, the teaching of the Nazarene, and of the Buddha and of every great spiritual sage throughout time. Live in the question, surrender to god’s way, and live in relation to god, to others and to the world around you. Let go of your ego’s need for self-important meanings. It is a humbling and simultaneously filling message. Alfie would have been gravely disappointed. Dionne Warwick sang in the theme song, “What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it only for the moment we live?”
Well, yup, that’s about it!
Though I barely remember the 60’s version of the Michael Cain film and did not bother with Jude Law’s newer/fresher Alfie, the “what’s-it-all-about” question has all the staying power of an old cigarette jingle, without any of the narcotic effects. It is an ancient and hauntingly human question that has no real answer. All of our “why’s” seeking some rational explanation to life, the universe and everything (short of Douglass Adam’s whimsical 42), inevitably fail to assuage the empty itch at the source of the questions. Why am I here? What is the purpose to my life? Why do bad things happen to seemingly good people?
Take, for example, Job – the ultimate Alfie questioner. Faced with what must have been years of insufferable pain and despair, Job keeps asking god, “Why?” “What is this all about?” “Did I do something to deserve this?” Job had lived a good and devout life and he felt that he had done nothing to deserve the pain, loss and despair that he now suffered. To make matters worse he is taunted by three of his (self-professed) friends, Moe, Larry and Curley, who try to convince him of his guilt and harangue him with mainline religious platitudes. No one from the mainstream will ever understand the journey of the dark night. It refuses to fit into logic and comfort.
But Job has to go on a trip of monumental spiritual proportions to get to the other side of his suffering. Through the process, Job seems to map out the emotional course that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described many thousands or years later – shock, anger, denial, bartering, and finally acceptance. And the cosmic lesson that Job (and all of us) must learn (though I pray not so harshly) is that there is no rationale to justify suffering as long as we are looking for it from a personal/human, ego-justification level. If we read Job thoroughly, we find that he pleads his case before god like a lawyer in court trying to make sense out of it from his (Job’s) ego-perspective. It is not until Job gives up trying to make it make sense and surrenders to god, that god actually concedes to talking to Job.
It seems that there are three deeply profound lessons that we must learn in the Job experience. First and foremost, as long as we are looking for understanding of events from our perspective – as if suffering, or joy (do we ever inspect that in the same way?) must have some deeper meaning – we are bound to come up empty handed. There is no meaning that exists outside of our own personal meaning making. Things and events have no intrinsic meaning. Nothing means anything until we make up a meaning. So Job’s attempt to find some cosmic meaning is fruitless because there is none to be found - and god knows this so he doesn’t even play the game. Furthermore, despite lacking meaning, Job wants to be justified – found innocent of any wrongdoing (the meaning he has ascribed to the source of suffering) – so that his ego can feel okay and virtuous. Again god refuses to even play the game of ego importance. God maintains a stonewall approach to these machinations of Job. But the third (really big) lesson is that not only is god in charge of the whole game, god and divine understanding is so beyond our human comprehension that to try and fix a human rationale to it or to apply some kind of right and wrong checks and balances to it is not only impossible it is downright illogical.
With a final sigh, Job gives up his attempts and instantly, god steps in and speaks – not in answer but in beautiful, powerful metaphor. Even then, when god speaks, he does not even address the questions of rationalization. In a sense, god says, “I am in charge and always have been. Just trust that and try not to figure it out!” It is the ultimate spiritual message – the message of the experience of Job, the teaching of the Nazarene, and of the Buddha and of every great spiritual sage throughout time. Live in the question, surrender to god’s way, and live in relation to god, to others and to the world around you. Let go of your ego’s need for self-important meanings. It is a humbling and simultaneously filling message. Alfie would have been gravely disappointed. Dionne Warwick sang in the theme song, “What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it only for the moment we live?”
Well, yup, that’s about it!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Of Joy and Suffering
I am preparing to run a series of workshops for the unemployed and soon-to-be-unemployed in our church and the first thing I think of is the emotional state that I hear everyone is in. But a thought came to me in this preparation that is a distinction I have not made before. Think of this: the nature of fear, grief and depression – of most “negative” emotions is aloneness. That is, we almost always experience those emotions uniquely and by ourselves. In fact, we most often feel that no one feels the same as we do, no one fears this or that thing the way we do at that moment. Who is comforted in the least by someone coming to you in your grief and saying, “I know how you feel.” Like hell you do! This is my grief, my fear, my depression and no one knows how it feels but me!
Now bear with me for a moment while we go to the other side. What about joy and passion and excitement? Who among you can contain those feelings; who, upon first feeling them, does not want to immediately jump up and find a friend or even a stranger with whom those feelings can be shared? Joy, passion, elation, excitement, and all of these “positive” emotions are made even better by sharing. They are public emotions where the downers are private.
But what if we have it backwards? What if we do not feel those emotions first and then have the public or private reaction? What if being alone is the source of fear, being abandoned is the source of grief, and being isolated is the source of our deepest depression? Contrarily, what if it incoming together that we first feel elation, if passion is the feeling only two or more can experience, and joy is only joyful when it is shared? What if?
I think our culture is suffering from a disease of epidemic proportions – the disease of individuation or individualism. We suffer from terminal uniqueness. We are so convinced by the harangue of advertisements and marketing that insist that we can “have it our way” – from form-fit clothes to designer drugs. But we humans were meant to be social creatures – to come together, not to move apart. In indigenous cultures where the norm is belonging, people are invariably described as happy and the incidence of depression is almost nil. Even their grieving is done collectively – but then it is over.
So this job search group will not be an individual experience. We will be in it together, to draw from the positive energy of being with our own kind, to share leads and laugh through mistakes and learn collectively. And in doing so, perhaps we can fuel the passion, and increase the joy, and revel in the success that can only come from working “with” instead of “against.”
Now bear with me for a moment while we go to the other side. What about joy and passion and excitement? Who among you can contain those feelings; who, upon first feeling them, does not want to immediately jump up and find a friend or even a stranger with whom those feelings can be shared? Joy, passion, elation, excitement, and all of these “positive” emotions are made even better by sharing. They are public emotions where the downers are private.
But what if we have it backwards? What if we do not feel those emotions first and then have the public or private reaction? What if being alone is the source of fear, being abandoned is the source of grief, and being isolated is the source of our deepest depression? Contrarily, what if it incoming together that we first feel elation, if passion is the feeling only two or more can experience, and joy is only joyful when it is shared? What if?
I think our culture is suffering from a disease of epidemic proportions – the disease of individuation or individualism. We suffer from terminal uniqueness. We are so convinced by the harangue of advertisements and marketing that insist that we can “have it our way” – from form-fit clothes to designer drugs. But we humans were meant to be social creatures – to come together, not to move apart. In indigenous cultures where the norm is belonging, people are invariably described as happy and the incidence of depression is almost nil. Even their grieving is done collectively – but then it is over.
So this job search group will not be an individual experience. We will be in it together, to draw from the positive energy of being with our own kind, to share leads and laugh through mistakes and learn collectively. And in doing so, perhaps we can fuel the passion, and increase the joy, and revel in the success that can only come from working “with” instead of “against.”
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Miracles?
This time each year, my wife and I run a holiday gifting charity that serves a bunch of kids in shelters and temporary living settings around eastern Mass an southern NH. It involves getting the wishes of these kids and hooking them up with about 250 volunteers who then purchase the gifts and get them to a central location so that we can truck them all out to the charities and shelters. In the process of doing that over the past seven years it never fails to provide the opportunity to observe – directly – a miracle.
Last year just as we were bursting at the seams in handling twice as many kids as we ever had, we got a call from a shelter that had heard of our project (Operation ELF) and wondered if we could help them – they had about 70 – 80 kids who were getting little or nothing for Christmas. We couldn’t say no but we said that we often have a few extras that were bought “just in case” so she would be welcome to come at the end of the event and take what was left over. The very next day we got a call from a person who said that she normally took a bunch of presents to an Air Force base in upstate New York but that she was ill and couldn’t make the trip this year – could we use the presents? We said yes, that would be most helpful. She showed up that Sunday with 150 presents and toys for our Elf kids. When the last shelter came for the “leftovers,” we filled two more cars and made a celebration happen where none was even hoped for.
Another one just happened again this year, though the numbers are not officially in yet. However, I begin to wonder is it a miracle? A miracle is what happens when you don’t expect anything. But the nature of god and universe is abundance. It is our scarcity that is always surprised. So why should we be surprised when this happens yet again. Rest assured that we will not slip the other way into arrogance and expect that it should happen. But why should we be surprised by the miracle when it is the natural response of our caring and providing god? Is it a surprise to a child when, having skinned his knee, he gets a hug, kiss and a band aid from a compassionate mother? No – it is just how it happens. Maybe it is a miracle. But the miracle already happened (we are loved despite ourselves), and all this other stuff is just the state of living we get because of it.
Last year just as we were bursting at the seams in handling twice as many kids as we ever had, we got a call from a shelter that had heard of our project (Operation ELF) and wondered if we could help them – they had about 70 – 80 kids who were getting little or nothing for Christmas. We couldn’t say no but we said that we often have a few extras that were bought “just in case” so she would be welcome to come at the end of the event and take what was left over. The very next day we got a call from a person who said that she normally took a bunch of presents to an Air Force base in upstate New York but that she was ill and couldn’t make the trip this year – could we use the presents? We said yes, that would be most helpful. She showed up that Sunday with 150 presents and toys for our Elf kids. When the last shelter came for the “leftovers,” we filled two more cars and made a celebration happen where none was even hoped for.
Another one just happened again this year, though the numbers are not officially in yet. However, I begin to wonder is it a miracle? A miracle is what happens when you don’t expect anything. But the nature of god and universe is abundance. It is our scarcity that is always surprised. So why should we be surprised when this happens yet again. Rest assured that we will not slip the other way into arrogance and expect that it should happen. But why should we be surprised by the miracle when it is the natural response of our caring and providing god? Is it a surprise to a child when, having skinned his knee, he gets a hug, kiss and a band aid from a compassionate mother? No – it is just how it happens. Maybe it is a miracle. But the miracle already happened (we are loved despite ourselves), and all this other stuff is just the state of living we get because of it.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Fear Not!
Why is it that the standard greeting of angels, and for that matter, of Jesus post-crucifixion? As I see it there are two possible reasons. First of these could be that angels may not be the beautiful, white-robed, winged, runway models that the renaissance painters made them to be - that in fact they might be fearsome, fierce, and powerful creatures that no one this side of Jacob would ever want to wrestle with. That would fit with my understanding of god's humor (see blog entries like: Reverse Logic 8/4, God's Humor 7/12 and Transformation 3/21) - to send the message of hope and joy in a frightening package - just for cosmic giggles!
And what of Jesus? I have often considered that in keeping with this twisted god logic, Jesus may have been butt-ugly! I mean, god would not want people following him around just because he was some heart-throb hunk. Remember, this is the god who sent a stuttering, exiled, killer back to the scene of his crime to rescue the Israelites, and who came to visit not as a king but as a helpless infant born to a displaced, homeless, unwed couple in a stench-filled barn! Now when you combine that with the fact that Jesus might have been ugly and had just been killed in a most gruesome fashion, that may indeed have been a frightening sight.
Fear not indeed! I am not a monster!
But the other possibility - the one that is think is the more likely reason - is that god knows that we live in constant fear. Fear is the natural by-product of the ego which thinks that it can manage the universe (or at least my little corner of it) quite well all by itself, thank you very much. Yet confronted with a zillion pieces of evidence that it cannot do such a daunting task, the ego ducks and covers in abject fear. The truth is, alone, without god, life is frightening; pain and loss are frightening; and we recoil in fear.
But the message of the ghoulish archangel, of the blood splattered crucifixion victim, and of god in every instance is "fear not, for I am with you, even to the end of the earth!" "Fear not, I bring you glad tidings of great joy!" "Do not be afraid" (there are at least 100 passages where this phrase is used) Gotcha! You have been found out. Your fear is evident and yet the divine message keeps coming back, like some relentlessly caring mother, comforting her startled infant, "Shhh, it's alright, don't be afraid, I have you and you will be okay. Hush, shhhh"
The CHristmas message was "Behold!" But this Christmas I invite you to "be held" and comforted, and not afraid! Peace be with you all.
And what of Jesus? I have often considered that in keeping with this twisted god logic, Jesus may have been butt-ugly! I mean, god would not want people following him around just because he was some heart-throb hunk. Remember, this is the god who sent a stuttering, exiled, killer back to the scene of his crime to rescue the Israelites, and who came to visit not as a king but as a helpless infant born to a displaced, homeless, unwed couple in a stench-filled barn! Now when you combine that with the fact that Jesus might have been ugly and had just been killed in a most gruesome fashion, that may indeed have been a frightening sight.
Fear not indeed! I am not a monster!
But the other possibility - the one that is think is the more likely reason - is that god knows that we live in constant fear. Fear is the natural by-product of the ego which thinks that it can manage the universe (or at least my little corner of it) quite well all by itself, thank you very much. Yet confronted with a zillion pieces of evidence that it cannot do such a daunting task, the ego ducks and covers in abject fear. The truth is, alone, without god, life is frightening; pain and loss are frightening; and we recoil in fear.
But the message of the ghoulish archangel, of the blood splattered crucifixion victim, and of god in every instance is "fear not, for I am with you, even to the end of the earth!" "Fear not, I bring you glad tidings of great joy!" "Do not be afraid" (there are at least 100 passages where this phrase is used) Gotcha! You have been found out. Your fear is evident and yet the divine message keeps coming back, like some relentlessly caring mother, comforting her startled infant, "Shhh, it's alright, don't be afraid, I have you and you will be okay. Hush, shhhh"
The CHristmas message was "Behold!" But this Christmas I invite you to "be held" and comforted, and not afraid! Peace be with you all.
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