You Thought It Was Easy?

For some years now I have been claiming that I am committed to helping others with their transformation all the while seemingly ignoring the implication that it also meant that I must be involved in my own transformation. So finally the lie has been exposed and I am called to account for my duplicity. I am, I must admit, now deeply involved in a transformative passage. And the truth is, I have no clue what I am doing! I guess no one in the throes of transformation does, but that wasn't obvious to me before.

My brother - an incredibly gifted amateur photographer - caught the chrysalis formation process of a monarch caterpillar on film earlier this summer. But what he showed was, as he said, nothing like was described in high school biology class. It was in actuality an incredibly violent and seemingly difficult process (thought neither of us asked the butterfly). As the caterpillar shed its last skin and started forming the cocoon, it convulsed and shook as if in severe pain.

Yeah, that would be what transformation is.  Not the cute caterpillar spinning an outer shell to hide and quietly morph into the beautiful monarch, but an earth-shattering, paradigm-shifting revolution that rips one inside out and causes one to convulse and writhe in sheer pain - if not fear - from what is coming and yet unknown. A full change in form - trans (from one to another) formation (creation).

Okay, I get it - conceptually - now can someone stop the merry-go-round, 'cause I want to get off! The only problem with transformation is it's a one-way ticket and the ride does not stop until it is done. I somehow think women learn this lesson in childbirth - that there are certain transformative processes in which we humans are not in control. But we masculine types never get that lesson. And just personally speaking, it sucks, thank you very much!

So the next few entries most likely will be from within the chrysalis. Wish me luck.