Unless we go deep we cannot understand another’s context, emotions
or even perspective because we will always be trying to make personal sense out
of it first. Going deep requires accepting that “everything belongs,” just as
it is, and everything holds within it the power to teach. But understanding
this requires first surrendering control; something ego will resist with all
his might. And if you can get over that hurdle, you can actually begin to
accept that “everything belongs;” that even evil and darkness are part of the
whole of the universe. Without that acceptance, however, ego will try to
selectively accept some things (the good and useful stuff) and reject other
parts as negative and useless.
But because all of creation is one, the so-called (or at
least perceived as) negative stuff must be included within “everything belongs”
or you risk not fully being open to learning. You have already begun evaluating
before opening to what must be learned. And by extrapolation, you are only open
to what you have already judged as acceptable within your limited scope. Only
after going deep within yourself, and transforming the crushing blows of grief into compassion for your broken and defeated egoic self, can you accept all
else in nature as part of the whole, as belonging, and as a perfect reflection
of all else - including yourself. Until then you do not have the capacity for compassion.
As the Buddha said, you must find compassion for yourself before you can have
compassion for others.
It is the same with religious beliefs. One cannot fully
comprehend another’s belief, spirituality, or spiritual crisis, until and
unless one has first gone to deep places in which one’s own spirituality does
not make sense - at least it does not make sense at the utilitarian, ego-driven
logic level. You must allow your own beliefs to be challenged and to push you
to deeper meaning making. Comfort with doubt and darkness must be accepted
elements of your own beingness before you are able to look with compassion at
another's struggles, another's torment, or another’s radical clinging to some
fundamental structure. Compassion does not condone the values of the Taliban or
ISIS, but rather can see through the hate and anger to the core of doubt and
fear that must exist in order to demand such rigid adherence to those beliefs.
Then and only then can you ask, “What must I learn in order
to love in such a way that the hurt, fear, and pain from which ‘the other’ must
be operating is soothed and mitigated? How do I channel that type of healing
love?” In fact, until your innermost self has been opened and transformed, most
of us would probably ask, “Why even bother?” But once one has been opened, MLK’s
assertion that “hate cannot drive out hate only love can do that,” takes on a
new and deeper meaning. And Jesus’ demand to “love your enemies” is no longer
spiritual ideal, but a possible reality.
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